Icarus

Boy, Oh Boy

2009-12-08T19:13:00.000-08:00

I don't know how it feels to suffer.

For all I've ever known is the joy of life.

I've made my share of mistakes, gotten lost in hearts I don't belong.

Shown the bad side of what I call love.

Caused permanent scars on the lives of others.

But who am I to change what I've done.

When after it ended, I didn't feel a thing.

Was it because I was afraid to see? Afraid to feel? Afraid of it all?

Not quite sure which one stained the walls.

But black tainted all the pureness that I had.

It left me crying numb tears which I couldn't feel.

Left my heart alone in agonizing pain which I felt no more.

My own personal anesthetic was made.

Immune to suffer and feel not a shred of pain.

How did I know I wasn't dead?

I feared streets for thoughts of suicide kept me going.

Seeing how every object could kill me in a different way.

I made a game out of it.

Which one thing can cause me the most pain?

Feeling alive only through the touch of existence.

I tied myself down to material possessions.

Whether I may be real or not depends not on me.

But on how alive you can make me feel.

Be it through touch, breaking my heart, causing me pain or making me smile, it's a game for life.

For a life that has never suffered.

Through mere heartbreak and shame, I've caused a war inside my head.

A war where neither side can ever win.

I was guilty of my actions, and of regret I could never feel.

But surely it can still go right.

I believe enough that you'll pull me through.

I believe that you are my love.

So prove me right and make me feel alive.

Okay.. So that's the best way I can write my problem because actually describing it embarrasses me. But either way... Simply saying it would be.. I don't know whether I actually exist or not.. I'm scared of knowing that maybe I'm not real or that I'm just a soul wondering. That's why I demand a lot of touch in my life right now. I usually make sure one part of my body touched a person around me or that I'm either spinning a pencil in my hands. Since a pencil is a material, it must surely mean I'm alive right? Well I hope it does but yeah.. That's a minor problem in my life.. Or kinda big actually. Haha. It affects me daily so yeah... Good thing I always have my pencil in school. Heh. But thank you for paying attention to my lame problem!

Now I'm going to eat! Bye!

P.s. I beat all of New Super Mario Bros. Wii. 100%! :D

Lovely Image, Picture Perfect

2009-12-08T16:08:00.001-08:00

Before I get to the thing I wanted to talk about yesterday, I'm going to write a short thing I wrote at 11 P.M. So please enjoy and have fun reading. Haha.

Pasted on the grin of a half dead girl.

Staring at me with lost eyes.

Asking me, "Are you alive?"

The problems of life are like a simply disease.

Give me a shot and they all go away.

Feed me some pills and I'll go away.

I fear to be true but truth fears us too.

Who can we trust when we're alone in the streets.

Roaming and searching with silhouettes on our trails.

We could've been forgotten, or worse we may are already be.

I can't look back, the life that we led was printed on leaves.

Then Autumn came and took all our dreams.

If I could, I would've tried to cry.

But tears wouldn't flow and my body couldn't move.

I left it all behind.

And there was no going back.

I had to tell the girl,

"No. I'm dying at last.

Goodnite."

Now... My friend Andrew is coming over for a while. And well.. Imma just spend some time chilling. After that, I'll write my problem which I wrote as a poem. It was easier to do it that way. Soo.. Be patient and wait people.! It'll come soon. Bye for now.

Let's Talk Honey.

2009-12-07T22:19:00.000-08:00

You know.. I've been thinking a lot about what I talked about with Maria one day and now I am going to say it! :D You see.. I have a problem which is honestly rather lame but it's something that affects me a lot. I'm sure it's probably just a temporary problem that will go away as I grow up and gain more experience in life. But as for now, it deeply affects my everyday life and every moment of it.. But it's 10 and I have to go to school tomorrow. So I won't say it now to make it all much more exciting. I have a reason to how it all started and everything so I'll write it all down tomorrow!

Goodnite! :D

The Carnival Of Learning

2009-12-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

So I have no blogged in two or something days. I've been wanting to but I was too lazy. Haha. So... In order to repay for that, I wrote something. Yay! Well it's not good or anything but I had fun writing it. I've noticed my most recent theme has been.. Brutal. Or that's what Bryant says. Haha. But in other words, go read read and enjoy. If you don't like it, well go masturbate or something you fucken whores. <3

Hey darling, how does it feel to have a broken heart?

It's painful, sitting on the floor crying.

Sitting and waiting to see who picks you up.

But sadly, I'm the only one here.

But sadly, your tears just make me laugh.

Was this a useless attempt at love?

You did so wrong, how could you have expected it to go right.

Your heart couldn't beat.

Your heart couldn't feel the warm romance.

You're a tool of love.

Forgotten and misused.

Easily abandoned and abused.

"You lustful, call my name, make me feel worse.

Tell me what I am, call me as you please."

A broken body laying on the floor.

A misused body hungry for some loving.

Shaking at the thoughts of your conscious, the shameful acts.

You're guilty of it all, but love the role.

In a story line, you're just what everyones wants.

You're what we all desire.

The one who smiles when their sad.

The one who feels not a single tear when they cry.

You're a disaster walking. A plague running.

You're a searcher of love.

But face it, you're way over your head.

You're not enough and never will be.

Why not just crawl back to the hole I found you in.

Face it love, you're better of dead.

I swear.. I give the crappiest titles. Haha. This is called the Carnival of Learning when it has to do with nothing. Haha! Well either way.. Yesterday I bought some make up. Got eyeliner, and purple eye shadow, which looks bad ass by the way. Haha. But that was about it!

Some girl at church is funny and incredibly shy. At the end of the class she said bye to me and I waved bye and smiled at her. Then I feel something tug my shirt and I turn but I see no one so I ignore it and start going up the stairs. I feel the tug again and I turn.. Again. I look down and the little shy girl was there. Haha. She is so small.. It's funny. But she waves bye again.. And I got confused.. She waved by already.. So I tell her to hug me and she smiles and hugs me. I'm guessing she was looking for some hugs. Haha! But she had lots of make up on her face. Well not really.. Just a shit load of blush. And mascara. And her pin or something poked my neck and it hurt. But the point of this is.. I want to use blush too.. It must look so nice to have pink cheeks. But I never will.. Until I live alone so my dad doesn't bitch at me. Haha. But then Samantha won't let me.. Damn it.!

Ahh.. But after church I did nothing but wait for my mommy. I was with some girl, her name is Amanda and her sister, Marilyn, or Madeline, or something. Haha. I forgot her name... Then my mommy came and I was heading to the car. And the little shy girl kept staring at me cause she was waiting for her parents I guess. She scared me afterwards. But it was fun! When I got in the car I started rocking out to Asking Alexandria. All of you must hear that band. It's like an orgasm in your ears. Haha. Eww... But seriously! They are good.. I love all their songs, they are super catchy.

Ahhhh! I forgot! The reason I wrote my poem thingy or whatever was because.. Well I don't know? Haha. At first I wrote because I thought about a guy bitch slapping some chick because I was watching some movie. But after that I got off topic and I have no idea what I was writing about. I just wanted to make it sound cruel. Which I hope I did.. If not. I have to try harder! And that is the end of this blog. Goodbye people.

P.s. The movie I watched was so cool!

P.s.s. I would've liked to live during the Great Depression. They had such coool clothes.

P.s.s.s Hitting women is wrong! Super duper muper WRONG!

P.s.s.s.s. Unless they want it.. Like playing dirty games where you tie up a girl and slap her. O.o

P.s.s.s.s.s. I have NO psychological problems.. NONE Okay!?

P.s.s.s.s.s.s. Okay.. Maybe just one or four. But we can let that slide. :D

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. If I ever cosplay.. I am so doing L. That man is a pure orgasm. O.o

Woah.. What A Bitch.

2009-12-03T15:05:00.000-08:00

Okay, So lets start with how the day was! School Sucked. Haha. I did nothing and during lunch, I spend the whole time alone. Which was honestly about 25 minutes in silence which I honestly enjoy. Haha. But after that I went outside to wait for my mom and she was twenty minutes late. I don't mind that but while I was waiting I was.. Well.. Waiting. Haha. But some girl comes and starts talking to me. She was Ellide.. Some girl in my class who apparently knows about what I did.

So she comes and starts taking to me and asks me if I have talked to Sharon recently. I haven't so I say no. Then she asks why I broke up with her. I didn't want to give anything away so I take a few seconds to answer and simply say that I didn't like her. Then she tells me if it was also because I cheated on her. I was honestly caught by surprise and I kinda snickered. I told her in a low casual tone, "Yes." She looks at me shocked and say, "Daammnn.. That's such a bitch. And You say it so normal. Like it doesn't even matter." And she stares at me.. I had nothing to say. I laughed. I would have cried laughing if she wasn't there. But I didn't. I just smile at her and say "Well how should I say it?" She looks at me with an even more shocked face. She moves her hands as if she were saying never mind, or just forget it. She asked if I missed her. I didn't know what to say.. I looked at the sky and thought about it for a while. I nodded my head up and down, "Yeah.." She looked at me and nodded her head too. She said that if I cheated on her with my ex. I said yes. She that it was such a horrible thing to do because it makes the girl feel like if she isn't worth it. She was going to say something else but I interrupted her and said, "No. She was worth a lot. She is worth everything." Then she asked why I cheated on her if I thought she was worth it. I said, "Because the person I love is my everything. I couldn't possibly love Sharon that way.. Not ever.." She looks at me and says.. "What a bitch man.." Then she turns to some guy and asks him if he knew who Sharon was. He says yeah. Then she tells him that I cheated on her with my ex. He looks at me surprised and nods his head in disappointment. I smile at him and tell him in a confident voice, "Yes. I did. I can even say it with a smile on my face." I smile at him and say, "I cheated on Sharon with my ex." I smiled at Ellide. And my mom came as soon as I finished smiling. I told Ellide it was nice talking to her. I left.

Now that was a pleasant way to end school. With bitter sweet memories. Haha. I honestly don't know what bitter sweet means, Oh well. And after that.. I don't know what I've been thinking. It feels like I'm not thinking at all.. Even as I'm typing, my hands feel numb. I can't feel the keyboard on my fingers. And well.. I'm not honestly all that giddy today. I kinda just want to sleep the day away. Or.. I don't know. Just something in which I can be alone. Heh. But oh well.. I know I can't be alone. And that is all for this blog! Enjoy people!

P.s. I'm an A**hole! Hah!

Wondering

2009-12-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

In the state of an absent mind.

I toss and turn to look for what I can find.

I look to the right and see the sky blue.

Wondering, why can't I be with you.

With boredom strong in my eyes.

You're sitting with them and having a laugh.

In silence I stare, looking for what's fair.

Wondering, why can't I be with you, in my deep blues.

I sigh and I noticed I'm all alone.

Maybe I should smile and go for a better tone.

The sky has turned gray and I'm here to stay.

The clouds are full of sorrow, but it seems they won't shower.

Maybe I'm just sad, I'm the only one showing this sight.

The flowers are torn and I know I could've sworn.

That they were about to cry but instead, they stayed dry.

There's an uproar in the sky, maybe now, they'll start to cry.

I sit here alone, waiting for the broom.

I'll sweep everything away and leave this room.

Now that I'm outside, in this gray blue.

I'm wondering why can't I just be there with you.

Now that I'm alone, I'll sing to dark stars.

That I am in love with you, even when you're far.

I wrote this A long time ago.. Probably one year ago exactly. Or less. Haha. But I remember this day like if it was the back of my hand. I was sitting alone in math class.. Just looking around and I remember seeing outside and it was all blue. Then it goes gray a second later.. Ahh.. It was blissful. I love days when I feel like that. Haha.

Ahh.. Well this is the last blog for today. I'm only going to do one more thing which Maria Recommended me to do. This is because I have problems. Yay! Haha. :D And everday I blog, Imma do this. I'm going to write one thing that made me feel alive. Haha. And here goes..

Today I typed and communicated with Maria about myself. I'm alive.

Ahh.. I feel like a gay psychopath. Haha. But yess! Goodnite world! Bye bye.

Be A Screamer Or A lover

2009-12-02T17:31:00.000-08:00

I'll remember this one day.

The Sleepless night and the time we lost.

Our lungs filled with the desire to breathe in once more.

It felt so special to be loved by misfortune.

I walked within despair,

Shattered hearts haunted my dreams.

I didn't want to be a boy without a word to scream.

You didn't want to hear what I had to say.

You wrote it down, said I was just a fool.

You meant to break every piece of my heart.

You wanted to see a boy die without a soul.

You cursed me, "Bad luck is your love.

Wherever you go, lovers will fall."

Red lips, black eyes, you're the shadow of my ghost.

The heart that haunts me after I am gone.

What did I do, What did I do?

Curtains never covered what we did in that room.

Why would you lie, why would you say.

Our love was more than real.

I was a boy who couldn't scream.

I meant to say, I wanted to say.

But it was too late.

You cursed me, bad luck is for a boy who couldn't scream.

Love was all you wanted, something I could've given.

All I had to do.. Was simple shout,

"I love you"

But wherever I go, love just seems to end.

And you were just another misfortune.

Now! I remember writing this one because I push my luck A lOT. Also because if you ever have to say something.. Scream it boy! Don't be boy who can't scream.. I Think I have a moral in this thing. Wow? Isn't that amazing? Haha. But yeah.. Enjoy people!

Let's Go To The Past.

2009-12-02T17:11:00.000-08:00

I want to die.

I feel as if though there is no meaning left.

All the good things are gone.

And I'm too tired to wait or try to see things get better.

I want things to naturally fit together.

I don't want to force them.

I love what I love,

But sometimes it feels as if I love nothing.

Or what I love may be nothing.

Maybe the thought of being alone,

Brings a certain happiness to me.

I would have nothing to worry about,

I would live free.

I would simply live on the instinct that has faded our bodies.

We are animals that managed to speak.

But I wish I could go back to when the world was beautiful.

I wish I could go back.

Ahh... So.. I was feeling pretty bad this day.. I suppose. Haha! I don't really remember, but apparently I was mad at the world for some reason.. Hmm.. How interesting no? Haha. Well.. That's all this one was, on to the next sucky Poem thingy!

P.s. The picture seemed really interesting. O.o

Lies Make Me Happy

2009-12-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

Can I say this in any simpler way.

Nothing is going to be okay.

Forget all the songs, forget all those nights.

All these memories were left in the scrapbooks.

There's no point in trying to find a better way.

Nothing is getting easier.

Nothing ever will.

So lets close our eyes and just dream a better day.

God gave us an imagination to fill up these empty lives.

Lets not let ourselves die without living a lie at least once.

So dream big, and don't be afraid of nightmares.

There's no monster under your bed.

Nothing hidden in the closet.

Just dream big.

You'll be eternally happy if you just never open your eyes again.

Okay! So.. Why did I write this!? Because I was watching A Nightmare Before Christmas. Haha. Strangely this inspired it all.. Because of the song, This Is Halloween. The monster under your bed.. Pretty much those few words made this is useless thing. :D

Silverlake Dog Park.

2009-12-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

That's where my teacher makes me run too! Silverlake Dog Park! All the way from my school Camino Nuevo which is on Virgil and Temple or something like that. Then, if you're an elite runner you either go all the way to the top of a steep hill and back, or all the way around the bloody lake AND back to the school! That's more than 5 miles I think, and I'm not cut out for it. I know some people in the world do this daily but man oh man... I'm developing some mean ass leg muscle. I swear.. If I ever kick someone I can probably break a few ribs. Haha.

But yeah.. So today I have things to blog about! I wrote it on my twitter.. I have a twitter.. Yess I know. It's gay, it's stupid, I love it! But... What I wanted to blog about was things that I've written in the past.. Uhmm.. Maybe 6-7 months ago. I don't have the dates for them and I hardly remember the reasons to why I wrote them. They aren't any good, that's why I never posted them. Haha. But I felt like sharing them to take up some Blogging space so I could feel like I actually love to blog everyday about my boring life. :D

And that's about it. I ran today to the bloody dog park so I am going to shower. After that, play a little New Super Mario Bros. Wii. WHICH I beat already. Haha. I'm just collecting all the coins and secret goals. After that, I'll start writing the things I wrote. Well, Bye for now!

P.s. Lemmy Koopa is so adorable! My favorite Koopa! <3

Happy Thanksgiving Day!

2009-11-26T23:31:00.000-08:00

So it's Thankgiving... Gobble Gobble day.. The day you eat like a fat ass even if you have an eating disorder. But sadly.. I didn't eat much! D: Just a little turkey, mash potato, 4 pieces of bread (I love bread...), and Gelatin! And I had small servings.. My Stupid stomach is so useless. Just Like my eye! Why my eye? Because recently my left eye seems to have caught some infection or something.. Like.. It's a little bit swollen and it hurts. Not to mention it's making everything I see with my left eye blurry.. Well Blurrier. Haha. Besides that... Thanksgiving was great! I had Tony come over and we played a few games and drew people! :D

My people are those in the top! It took me a long time to draw and then my grandma threw them away.. So I looked through my dumpster to find it. :D And I found it! Hurrahh! But I was crying when she told me she threw them away... That's why I had to find them. Haha. I am immature.. But yeah... So.. Since it is Thanksgiving. I have people I should thank for being in my life.

Lets Start with.. Samantha Vides! For always being with me and loving me with all her heart. Thank you Princess for making my heart beat!!

Second, Maria Martinez cause she is probably my girl best friend and she listens to me and all my bullshit. Thank you Crust!

Then Andrew Diaz.. Why? Because he keeps me company and we are close friends. Thank you Chewy!

Then Richard because he is my best friend since 6th grade! And I love this bastard. So thank you Bam Bam!

Then Jasmin Figueora, the chick that keeps me company in school and made me wear make up. Thank you Speck!

Then Eric.. I have nothing good to say about you but I love you! Haha. just kidding.. You are a very good friend. Thank you Cuddle Buns!

Then Bryant Golden because we share our writing and ideas a lot. And we talk about depressing things. Haha. Thank you Princess!

And lastly.. Thank you Brenda Samayoa (I can't spell your name.. D:) because you like all my writing and support it. Thank you.. Uhhmm.. Brenda.. You have no nickname. :D

And this is all the people who are my friends that I want to thank.. I'm not going to mention family because they know I love them with all my heart.! And this is all for today. I might blog later after Church class.. I might something interesting to say about the bloody teachers. XP Well bye people!

P.s. What do you think about my drawing?!

P.s.s. I touched some slimy thing while looking for it in the dumpster.

P.s.s.s. People throw away a lot of food.. XP

Deadman's Wonderland

2009-11-24T16:37:00.000-08:00

"Welcome to the stage where flesh and blood dance."

We love our corpses and rip out their veins.

Slaughter houses are just around the corner,

And massacres fill my mind.

I've never really killed,

But I've always dreamt of seeing you dead.

Your eyes filled with fright and your body going cold.

I'll kiss your pale lips as I cut out your tongue.

And honey, remember to scream for every breaking

Bone you feel with your flesh being peeled and torn.

My dear, you've become so sweet with every tear that you've cried.

Your body's drenched in blood,

And that Irony taste still lingers on my tongue.

And despite all this pain, you'll hold out your arms to me,

And wish you couldn't feel a thing.

But darling, We're just getting to the best part.

"Welcome to the stage where flesh and blood dance."

Ahh.... I was bored last night. And I wrote this in the process! I thank the manga, Deadman Wonderland for the inspiration... The first and last line are words that the man says.. But I loved how they sounded so I used it for a poem. :O

And soo... Today I start my mini Thanksgiving break! Yay! 5 days of Mario.. I'll be done by Friday with the game. Haha. Well.. I'm off to play Mario.. Bye people, Enjoy the poem thingy.. :)

P.s. I have no idea how the girls in the picture relate to anything..

P.s.s. They look cool with black lips. :D

Eww... Stupid Scene Kid

2009-11-23T18:06:00.000-08:00

Okay.. So I haven't blogged since Thursday..? Why? I was sick! Horribly horribly sick! Well not really.. I'm sure some other people were more screwd than I was but I am complain right now! Not them! I was throwing up.. A lot. O.o Like... I got out of school, and when I got home, I threw up in some trash can near the parking. Then I got inside my house and I fell asleep. Then I woke up and threw up A LOT of food I ate the day before! Yumm yumm. Then my mom made me some tea and gave me a weird tasting thing and I called Samantha. Or did she call me? I forgot. Haha. But after that I fell asleep again! And I woke up and threw up all the tea and that weird tasting thing! And this was a cycle.. I woke up, threw up, fell asleep. It was lots of fun! By the end of the day I was feeling a lot because I threw up all the crap I had in me. And I watched Meet the Spartans. Haha.

After that, it was Friday! And I did nothing! I went to church.. Talked to my friend Amanda and Nallide (I can't spell her name. :D). I told them about my life, they told me about their lives. For some reason.. I feel closer to them now. Eh... Not. Haha. But it was also fun! I talked to some emo girl that never talks to anyone. She said I look cool when I do my panda eyes. Or anything over all. And so did Amanda. She said if she didn't know me and we went to the same school, I would be that hott guy with long hair and the skinny jeans.

After Friday, came Sunday. Sunday, Richard stayed the night and we had sex. O.o Awkward... We slept at 3 though! That's Richard Horror Hour.. Why? Because one time I slept over at his house and Me, Connor (Richard's bother), and Richard tried to see who could stay up the longest and he knocked out at around three. And apparently, he had a nightmare which involved telling something to get out and throwing things at them. And that someone was me. He threw his pillows at me and told me to get out. Scary... Haha. After that.. Connor knocked out around 9 A.M. and I knocked out at 11. I won! :D But me and Richard had fun at night.. We read mangas together.

Before Sunday was Saturday! Saturday was super duper fun! I ditched New Moon with Maria and spend all that time with my sweetheart! Samantha No Middle Name Vides. We had a lot of fun. Except for when I tried to kiss her and I got a taste of perfume on my tongue. Eww.. I do not recommend this people! Ever.. Unless you like the taste.. But that's pretty weird. Haha. Besides that, me and Samantha spend the whole day together and it was lots of fun. I love the Color RED. Also I got New Super Mario Bros. Wii. :D Which is a lot of fun and Richard has 20 continues already! Haha. I killed most of his lives. But either way, I love Samantha. (I had to say this, sorry people.)

And that is all for this blog. Imma go play some Mario now! Bye.

P.s. I love the picture.. It's sexy.. Sort of. :D

P.s.s. The title has nothing to do with the picture. Haha.

It's Better Than Love!

2009-11-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

Aww... She is better than love. She's the world and more. My happiness and the reason to why I'm here. This is an old picture.. It's when I first started wearing Eyeliner and changing. But doesn't she look so pretty? If I remember correctly, the shirt she is wearing is her moms. Haha. But Samantha Vides is Gorgeous! She's my love, me heart, and soul. <3

But this is Samantha, The person that gives me that special, indescribable feeling. I swear, what we have is better than love. And it thanks to her that I'm so happy everyday, even though we are totally different, we have many things in common. We think alike. A bit TOO Alike sometimes. Haha. She is really weird.. And different, From all the cute little noises she makes to her lovey dovey moments to her moodiness and stubbornly bossy personality! Haha. But I have to say.. I love every part of her.. And I'm glad that she gets to be herself around me. I now know that I have the most beautiful, creative, special, loving, playful, caring girl in the world. We've been in love for almost two years now. Tomorrow on the 19th we have 1 year and 11 months of being in love. Not together, but in love. Haha. But we act like a couple, so we are Theoretically boyfriend and girlfriend. <3

That is all for this blog.. Post thingy..

P.s. I love you Samantha Vides.

P.s.s. She is my ten year old. <3

P.s.s.s. 16 Letters.

A Boy And A Crow

2009-11-17T17:08:00.000-08:00

"A surprise gift from another will leave a lasting !mpression." - Fortune Cookie!

The cookie knows it all.. Even though I have no idea what they mean, they get me excited! And now.. I'm bored so Imma write a story on the spot!

So here goes..

Once upon a time there was a boy! The boy's name was Boogie, and he had green hair that coverd his eyes and it was long. It reached the middle of his back. He wore a striped orange and white shirt with light blue shorts and black shoes. The boy had grown in the city but thanks to his hatred towards humans he fled into a forest. All he took with him was a backpack and a kitchen knife. He left without saying a word to his parents or friends. He was quickly forgotten.

7 Years Later

Boogie grew into a man, and for some strange reason he never grew any facial hair even though he didn't shave and he was 21. I'm pretty sure he had some hormone disfunction. While living in the forest he lost the ability to talk the human language. Learning the way of animals, he learned how to talk like one, behave like one, and smell like one. Yes, he smelled horrible. Walking down a crystal blue river he saw a crow on a tree. The boy spoke to the crow, "Caww! Caww!" And the Crow spoke back, "Caww! Caww!" Now, Since I know we are all stupid and don't speak crow, I'll translate from here.

"Hey! I've never seen you around here!" Said the Boy.

"Of course you haven't. I am a descendant from The Holy Crows!" Said the Crow Proudly.

The boy amazed by what the crow said decided to climb the tree and talk to him. "So can you do something great? Can you use magic or Spells!? Or Fly!!"

The Crow looked at the boy and smacked the back of his head with his wing. "Stupid. Do you think these wings are just for show? Of course I can fly! How stupid are you!?

But the crow didn't know that the boy was raised by Badgers. He only went out to hunt for meat, but he never actually saw a bird. He killed them to fast for them to actually fly away.

The boy caressing the back of his head asked, "Can I learn how to fly?"

The crow shocked by the question glared at the boy. "Would you like to?" Answered the crow.

"Yess!" Shouted the boy while throwing his hands in the air.

"Then close your eyes," said the crow.

The boy closed his eyes with his hands clutched in between his kness and waited anxiously.

The crow's wing touched the boys forehead. "Just wait until you grow more boy. Be patient." The Crow flew away.

The boy opened his eyes, confused by what the crow said, he didn't even complain. The bird already flew away and he felt no wings or anything. Disappointed, he jumped down the tree and walked along the riverbank. Along his way back, he felt something. He stomach tightened and he was thinking it might be wings! Sadly, he just had to go to the bathroom. He had nothing else to hope for. He just went straight home under a tunnel. He slept for 5 days.

The End! :D

I was so bored.. This is crap.. But hey! It's my crap you ass holes! <3

BTW I finished reading Chibi Vampire. It was an adorable manga and the ending makes me sad even though it's something really simple. But It's very enjoyable so read it people! And that is all for now.. Imma go wastch Funny People. Haha. Bye!

Fortune Cookie

2009-11-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

Wahh! I don't even work yet! That's not fair... Give me a second chance! Ahh.. Fuck you cookie. This is why I eat your ass in one bite. :P

Ahh.. Well seriously... I just ate a fortune cookie and I wanted to share it but I just lost it. ON THE BRIGHT SIDE! I just found ten dollars in that pocket. Haha. Speaking of the bright side, today I went to a field trip! It was the MOST exciting think in my life! I Went to the art college in Pasadena (I hope that's how you spell Pasadena..) and I saw a pretty cool gallery. It made me feel like drawing.. But then I thought about it and I can't even draw grass... Oooh! And I saw a guy thinking about suicide.. Or so I say. Haha. He was sitting alone for over an hour looking down at a gorge. And I know it was more than an hour because when we got there around 1 he was on a bench, and when we left at 2:40, he was still there..

Ooh! And A girl lost her purse in the metro! We spent almost an hour looking for it (Well she and the teacher did.) It was rather pointless.. She lost it. Haha. And we got to the school around 4:20... Which is an hour late.. We get out at 3:15. And that was my exciting day!

Lastly, I've been pissed because Mangafox doesn't open! And it worked today but I'm scared it won't work tomorrow! It's been ruining my reading time. Haha. BTW I'm reading Chibi Vampire, or Karin, and it's a pretty cute cartoon. <3>

And That is all for this blog I suppose.. I'm not that exciting of a guy.. Uhmm.. Yupp! That's all! :D Goodbye people.

Go eat a baby... O.o No wait.. That's gross.... Go KICK A CAT!

Welcome Back You Douche-Bag

2009-11-14T10:25:00.000-08:00

Woahh... So it's been about a month or more since I stopped blogging. Aside from forgetting my e-mail and password, I've been too lazy. Haha. But Ah.. I feel like Blogging because there is a Ghost In The Mirror. O.o That's a song by the sexy man in the picture. He's from Motionless In White! Hear them! Love them! Admire them! Rape them! Well.. Maybe not the last one.. But do the rest!

Now... I always say Imma cut my hair like this guy. Haha. But Samantha says No, and I know I won't do it.. But Maybe I will.. One day very far from now. :D And I love the make up he uses. It's so cool.. And.. Hardcore. And talking about hardcore make up leads to another topic!

My dad said to stop using make up.. Which I won't listen to him because I wasted bloody money on my eye shadow so I'm using it all up! But he wants me stop because he thinks I'm going GAY... With Andrew. Haha. He said I twist my hands or do something with my hands that's all girly and stuff.. And that I walk funny. But I don't think I do... I walk normal.. I think? O.o

On another topic! I'm hearing The Medic Droid... I love them. :)

And this is all I have to talk about since I woke up at 7:14 and fell asleep at 2 in the morning. If I keep sleeping so little.. Imma die young and pretty. :D

Bye bye.. O.o

It's A Promise Like A Song

2009-10-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

Lately.. I've been such a Scene Aesthetic Fan.. I Keep hearing ALL the songs in this EP over and over again. I must say.. It's A LOT better than their first CD. This one is pure gold. Haha. The lyrics are much better and a lot sweeter.. And I simply love them! And I've been mostly obsessed with the songs, "It's A Promise Like A Song," "Come What May," and "The Man I Am." And it's an Acoustic band! Only two singers, Andrew de Torres and Eric Bowley and Andrew plays the guitar. You should go hear them and become Scene Aesthetic fans with me. :D If you do.. I'll love you forever and ever and then we can take our clothe off... O.o No wait.. YOU can take your clothe off!

Okay.. Now to talk about my life? Well first of all.. I am sick. Still Sick. Very sick. Freaken Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. Sick. And I didn't go to school on Friday nor did I go to work today. So thanks to that... I've been a lazy bum and I've stayed in bed for like.. The whole day. And it's pretty fun because I'm playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl and hearing music. But hearing music is altering my senses.. I keep switching from hardcore music to acoustic... It's confusing after a while. Haha. Oooh! I also got a new CD! Asking Alexandria's New CD! "Stand Up and Scream." They sound so much better.. And their new songs have nice lyrics.. Well some... The ones in which they don't say Whore or Bullshit, or Fuck. Haha.

Oh yeah.. I also have black Eye shadow from MAC... And it's so pretty.... Haha. I know Imma ruin it cause I keep playing with it.. I hope not though.. But sadly I've barely only used it once because I haven't the time to put it on! Also.. I'm learning how to play with Olimar in Brawl! I love how he throws the little Pikmin. It's funny.. Haha. Especially the fat purple one. :D

Something else about my life.. Hmm.. We redecorated our house! We threw away our big bed and now we just have to normal beds. But you can pull our another bed from the bed... So technically we have four beds! One for me, my sisters, and my other sister. And I must say.. I slept so peacefully the first day.. But then I got sick so I haven't been able to enjoy sleeping. Haha.

So this is pretty much all I'll write for today.. Maybe tomorrow I have something more interesting to write about? But yess! Bye people.. I love you all? No I don't. Haha. Unless it's Samantha, Maria or Karen.. Or.. Whichever other friend I have that reads this. I loves you guys. :D

Peace out Homies!

P.s. I've been wanting to talk like a gangster lately..

P.s.s. It's fun talking like a gangster! :D

P.s.s.s. Hear The Scene Aesthetic!

P.s.s.s.s. Never noticed that the word "Whore".. Is sexy. :D

P.s.s.s.s.s. I just sneezed. :(

P.s.s.s.s.s.s. I have nothing else to P.s. About...

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. Oh wait! My sister just woke up! Yess!

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. Imma play some Brawl now. :D

Lets All Follow The King

2009-10-02T01:31:00.000-07:00

Words can never speak, what the image just might be.

And we can try hard to look inside this hole.

But even if we're stuck in this dead end.

I've found my way to breathe and live.

And I pray to thee. This is not the end.

It is the start of love.

But it's sad that we can't help but break,

When we look and say it's all pretend.

So why must we lay down to this damn thought.

And say we'll get through this with some sleep.

When we know just as well, that even dreams

Can cut through our woven hearts.

And a string at a time, I can feel

The life being pulled out of me.

We had such high hopes but where are we now?

We're were no one dreams of cheap new love.

And even if I've cried to you, would it change what's to be new.

The pounding in your head, these lonely nights.

The flare in sparks that dance around your heart shaped eyes.

The melting crystals forming underneath your broken eyes.

When we can't rule this love, what can we lead.

Our hearts will only fall and break.

Our hearts will only be left for dead.

But there is no dream for us.

There is nothing that can catch this sorrow.

There is no hope for tomorrow.

Our time grew cold, our hopes froze.

And all we had left to say..

"I pray to thee. This is not the end.

It is the start of love."

Now this.. Involved me thinking a lot! I've been trying to finish this since.. Uhmm.. 9-21-09.

And I am barely done now. It's has been ten days. So I really have no idea why I wrote this.. I don't remember anymore. Damn it.. Oh well. Haha. I am finished.. This will finally stop haunting me now. I hope it is good.. Haven't had time to work on anything new lately, so please find a way to enjoy this. Haha. (I seriously wonder who am I talking to? It's probably just Samantha, Maria, and Karen but I feel as if though I'm speaking to a lot more people, This is why I don't like blogging! The feeling of being watched or payed attention to by strangers creeps me out. Haha.) But please enjoy this and the wonderful piece of art is by Sharon. I must admit, she can draw some hardcore shit. Thank you for your attention!

P.S. I hate this for the fact that I thought a lot more than I usually do!

Personal Goals

2009-09-30T21:45:00.001-07:00

"I want to make something out of myself? Awkward..."

Label: a word or phrase indicating that what follows belongs in a particular category or classification.

Something interesting came to my mind today during school.. The fact that people use.. "Labels." And lets all be honest. We all use them. There is not one person who probably doesn't.. I mean.. You see a guy with tight pants and long hair and small shirts.. Your first though is.. Emo. Of course. Or maybe scene. If you see a guy in a huge shirt and shorts with a hat on or no hair at all.. You call him a gangster. And I mean.. It's completely normal. I don't get that huge drama about.. "I don't want any label.. Bla bla bla." The reason why some girls/boys have "emo" Hair or clothe is because they know that "emo" is a style. They got the idea of looking the way they do because somewhere the style/label "emo" was made. (Do you get me?) They complain so much about not being called anything when they themselves are what they don't want to be called. That's why they have the style they have.

For example.. Let's say me. Now I have tight clothe, long hair, and use eyeliner. What does that make me..? Emo/Scene. A mix of both pretty much. But yesss... It's a Label. It is what I am. Because when I was on the internet I saw some kid with heavy make up and tight clothe, and I wanted to look like that. And he was.. "Emo." So I just labeled him.. and I'll call myself "emo" too because I base my style with the way he looked. So I'm not sure if this made sense.. I know it didn't because I honestly can't prove my point that well.. But this goes to those that mostly where tight clothe, heavy make up and crap. Because I hear those people all the time and they say.. "I don't want any label, I'm not emo. I'm a happy happy person" And in my mind, I think... "Bla bla bla" Because these people, like myself, look the way we look because we saw some random emo kid and wanted to be like that. So I say... Labels are good.

BUT they might also be bad.... For example that damn label of being called "Gay" or "Bisexual" That label is insulting but like I said... We look the way we do because someone made the style up and that's the name it got. Labels are an inspiration to who we are. And You all know it's true.. Labels also include artist, singers, actors, and all those other famous people. Because we base our style on their style.. The ideas must come from somewhere right?

Well this is what I think.. I am most likely wrong, but I just presented my idea.. So whatever. :D

Bye.

P.s. Kids are the future.!

P.s.s. I couldn't hold a straight face while saying, "Kids are the future!" xD

Church Me Baby

2009-09-26T22:26:00.000-07:00

"Hey.. You want some cookies?" - Alejandra

"Sure.." -Me.

These are my friends ____ And ___" -Alejandra (I didn't pay attention to her. Hehe.)

"Hello..." -Me.

'How come you don't talk! Come on.. Be more active and talk to someone.." -Alejandra

-shrugs- "It's the same.." -Me

"Ahh okay.. Bla bla bla bla..." -Alejandra.

I stopped paying attention after that and just ate the cookies she gave me.. Once I was done.. I don't know why, but I whispered? "Thank you." She didn't hear me so I said it a bit louder as she scoot closer... "Thank you" Her friend kept staring at some girl that was behind me and her eyes would then see me but then she started talking to her friends...

Sometimes I wonder.. Why am I not social? People were always around me during church... But I didn't feel like... Talking? And Alejandra is really nice. She is a blonde, chubby and she is... Funny? Ehh... I don't talk so I have no idea. Haha. But point is... She is right.. Why don't I talk? I think it's the fact I am.. Strange as it seems.. I am rather shy in public. Especially people always stare at me sometimes.. I wonder.. Is it the hair? Are my jeans too skinny? Are my eyes to dark because of the eyeliner? Is it the huge V-neck? (I mean I wear tighter clothes than most girls and more make up.) I don't know.. But I feel their eyes on me.. And it scares me so I don't talk... Haha. GOD That is a lame excuse. Haha.

Okay! Besides that.. I have to go to church tomorrow...! And I WILL Pay attention! Last time I payed attention for the first 20 minutes! That is a new record! I usually start getting sleepy once two minutes pass! So tomorrow Imma see if I can go for 25.. Or maybe 30! Or if I get lucky the whole thing! This is rather exciting. Haha.

Another thing... I visited my old school with my friends Eric and Andrew. We tried looking for Ms. Miller. Haha. It's a shame she left, I was kinda glad she wasn't there because I promised Samantha I would go with her. Haha.

And this is all for now.. So goodnite world. :D

P.S. Asking Alexandria is sexy! Gosh I love them. :D

There Is Always A Start: Part 2

2009-09-20T00:38:00.001-07:00

Okay, I am going to keep going from where I left off. I was talking about my time when I was at my house. The one place where I should feel safe.. Was one of the places I disliked the most. And I just want to say... That even though all these people that I have mentioned and will mention have ruined my childhood, I hold nothing against them. I don't hate them, I don't want payback, revenge, I don't blame them at all. We were all just kids.. And as kids.. We grow up. We forget a few things and remember others. It is what shapes us into us. Even though I didn't like it (Honestly I didn't) I wouldn't change anything because it was all.. Very Interesting. And I learned many things. So now I am going to continue..

Elementary Overall:

"You are my best friend... But Brush your teeth." -Me

"Haha. Screw you.." -Arturo

4th Grade. My first best friend.. Where is he now? I hope that wherever he might be, that he is okay and safe. He was my first friend... Just for 4th grade. Just for one year. We met cause we sat next to each other and he was a lefty and I was a righty so we would always dump each other. We had a good laugh about that all the time. And eventually thanks to that we ended up hanging out together. Thanks to him I was able to play kickball. I was a good kicker and on the days I spent with him, many other kids found out about that too. I would kick far and hard. I felt proud that the other kids would actually WANT me in their teams. A dream come true for me. And we would play together in the jungle gym. It came to a moment when he slept over at my house! God that was exciting. No one had ever slept over at my house. And it was really fun. He slept over a total of 3 times. And then we would take him home, but his family.. Was.. Not right. His mom was like a chola or his dad was a gang member or something.. The image of his house is burned in my head... He had like ten brothers, and his mom. All of them on the floor sleeping with just sheets over their heads. His mom was on the couch and she also had a sheet over her. And they were all facing towards the t.v. screen which was black. It was on a wooden shelf and the only light they had was the light that came from the window. When he came in, they all looked back and told us "Thank you for taking care of him" And her mom would smile. They were a normal family.. But dragged into something horrible because of the dad or mom.

Then 5th grade came and he wasn't in my class.. I didn't know where he was... He didn't go to the school anymore.. Apparently his mom moved? I asked my mom why? She just said his mom was a bad person and they had to go somewhere because of their problems.. I was sad.. But I accepted it. I didn't complain.. I asked my mom if she knew where. She said no. I missed him. I asked the teachers if they knew where he had moved and where? They said why was I asking. I said he was my best friend and I wanted to know where he was. They said they couldn't tell me. I stopped asking. He was.. No more as it seemed. And thanks to that.. I tried playing kickball.. And for some reason I sucked and all I did was kick the ball wrong. Eventually all the other kids stopped letting me play again.. I would get in line to kick and they would cut in front of me. I decided to stop playing.. And my moment of fun.. Ended.

"Oooh.. Pretty" -Me

The school had built this new playground thing.. The floor was blue and made out of something that was foamy yet hard. It had slides, a bridge, it was yellow and green. And EVERYONE was on top playing around, shouting to one another,playing tag, enjoying themselves.. Except me. I was on the bottom of the playground. I was the one picking at the floor. Scratching it.. Looking for things. In my head I was an explorer. I was looking for treasure, for gold and shiny, valuable things. And I would find beads that fell of shirts. Sometimes glass. A hair pin. A bobby pin. Some rocks. And I did this for quite a long time. God was this exciting! I looked forward to this a lot in my days.. Just picking at the floor.. Alone while everyone else was shouting.. I always that I had the most fun. I was the Explorer! I was finding valuable treasure while everyone else was having fun! And just believing that.. Made me feel.. Better.

-Crying-

"I have no friends.. I have no friends.." -Me

"No llores.. Vas a tener amigos.. Mi amore.. Todo va estar bein.." -Mom and Dad

I was crying.. Hard.. I remember the tears.. I know exactly where I was in my home.. I remember it completely.. My dad hugging me.. My mom hugging me.. They said everything was going to be okay.. I'll make friends soon.. To not cry. Be out going.. But it was horrible to know.. That no one talked to you because who knows why the hell not! I had long hair.. It reached my back.. I think that is why they didn't like me.. And by this time. I discovered the miracle of not having to play during Recess! I found out that if I didn't do my homework.. The teacher made you stay in the lunch area during recess.. And boy did I love that.. I stopped doing my homework. My grades went down to "F's" but I was happy sitting alone in the desk. I would get my english workbook and go downstairs and get my breakfast. If they had something good to eat.. I would happily eat it. If not.. I would happily play with the food. But I never did my work.. If I "ate" I had an excuse to why I wasn't doing my homework. And I took that excuse.. So my grades dropped and the teacher sat all the dumb people at the back of the row.. And I sat in the back, happy that I didn't have to play during recess.

"Haha. Lets play ninja!" -Me

"Yeah!" - Nicholas

My second best friend.. Or so I thought. After a while in 5th grade.. I would always hang out and play with Nicholas.. And I don't know how but I fixed my grades and I was able to sit in the front. In fact, I was one of the smartest students there! We had like three geniuses, Sandra, Ricardo, and... Juan? Yeah.. It was Juan. But I was one of the smartest between the other normal kids. And it was then.. That I wanted to be in A track because Nicholas was moving to that track, and we were good friends so we had to be together. And we graduated from elementary.. And we were headed towards Virgil Middle School.

And people.. Tomorrow I have church so I am going to sleep early.. If 1:35 is early? Haha. That is the current time, but I appreciate all of you who took the time to read this.. It's pretty long and my life isn't that interesting. But from Middle School, my life began. I was so happy in middle school.. Those three years were some of the most amazing parts of my life.. So.. The next time I blog I will be talking about..? Nicholas, Richard, Diego, Maria, Rudy, Andrew, Eric, Karen and Samantha. (This is the way I started meeting all these people) I have them to thank.. For who I am now.. And what I might in the future is still a mystery. :)

Au Revoir

P.s. Sorry if I misspelled things.. It's late and I can't see the keyboard. I'm typing without looking. Hehe.

There Is Always A Start

2009-09-18T20:57:00.000-07:00

"I dreamt that the boring, ordinary life I had would turn into a wonderful and Exciting Story."

"... Was that how you comforted yourself?"

"Yup.. That was a delusion to help me escape from reality." - Record of the Fallen Vampire.

What makes you, you?

The very interesting question that makes you look back so much and you see your life parts by parts from the moment you remember your first memory. So lets see my past.. And I'll start from the most important ones that have made me.. Me?

Pre-School:

"Are you a girl?"

"No.. I'm a boy."

Well I probably didn't say it that perfect but thats some of my first memories.. Being called a girl. Haha. I didn't like music, I didn't like clothe. I only wanted toys. Just like every kid does. Haha. I didn't have many friends.. I had none actually.. I loved my teacher Ms. Lopez! If I remember her name that means that I really did love her! Haha. I also remember my mom waiting all those hours until I would get out of school... She was there as soon as I went in. And she was there as soon as I got out. My mom was my only friend in Pre-School. My best friend. I loved seeing her all the time.

Kindergarden:

"Wanna see something cool?" -Adam

"Oooh.. You have a weapon, I'm telling the teacher." -Me.

"Sooo.... Don't tell. It's cool." -Adam

I told. The teacher came, Adam had a parent meeting. Haha. All he had was a blade but I thought it was bad and told the teacher... What came out of that..? All the other boys didn't like me much cause of that.. So I was left out quite a lot. The bright side? I had two best friends... Kimberly, and Ingrid. They were always with me.. Well for the rest of Kinder that is.

Elementary Overall:

"Hey! It's a girl, get her out!" -All Grades Together

"I'm not a girl! -Flash private part at them. "See!" -Me

"Euughhh..." -All The People Who Saw

That was from 1st grade will 5th grade because I had long hair.. It was always the same thing. Every single day. Every single time that I went into the bathroom. All the time. This was annoying..

"Hey can I play?" -Me

"Uhmm.. We already have all the players! Sorry." -Joshua, Juan, Brian, Thomas, or Ricardo.

"Aww.. I can be Goalie!" -Me.

"He is doing that!" -All the boys.

"Ahh.. Can I be in the back? I love soccer!" -Me.

"Okay! Sure!" -Juan

Yess... I played.. In the back.. No one passed me the ball.. And when they did.. "Pass it to me fast!" I only had the ball for seconds.. Seconds.. So instead I just got out and walked around my area.. Couldn't leave it or else I would get in trouble.. So I walked in circles.. I saw them play.. My little chest would start to ache.. It still does now.. And a tear or two would come.. The Bell would ring.. I was happy. I was the ball monitor so at least I was able to hold the ball for another few seconds and give it to the guy that had the balls and stuff. Then back to class.. Fun. Fun. Fun.

-It was blurry-

"Just let me play!" -Me

"No! You can't do shit! You suck!" -Benitto

"Come on! I have a plan! Let me play please..." -Me

"Just fucken stop! Get away!" -Pushes me- Benitto.

"Come on.. Don't be mean.." -Crying- Me.

I forgot what else happened. All I remember was more shouting from him.. And more crying from me.. So I left.. I sat down on a bench.. And made paper airplanes.. I made a lot.. I kept crying. Then the tears stopped.. The other kids kept playing.. I was just interrupting their game. Haha. How nice... Nothing happened.. I was simply scared.. Never liked Benitto since then. I just remember him pushing me by my chest.. It scared me. I had never got into a fight.. Whatsoever! Not even with words, no shouting. No nothing. And that day he was pushing me... For me that was quite tragic in my little head. Haha. I had never cussed.. And when I did cuss it was only when I was leaving school early. I would scream... "Fuck You!" As loud as I can.. I was so happy to leave everyone.. And no one would hear me.. Screaming that was my time of peace.. I loved it. Haha.

-Baseball-

"What the hell?!" -Me.

"What?" -Other kids in the same class.

"There are only three people in my team! Give me some of yours!" -Me

"Nahh! Lets just play!" -Juan

"Ughh.. Fine!" -Me

Three... Two... "Fuck this." My teams just left.. I left. I never wanted to play baseball ever again.. I promised.. I never wanted to.. As soon as I left. The other team divided and started playing normally... All I could think in my head.. Was.. Assholes.. All of them. I felt like crying.. I felt really... Bad inside.. So I cried. Haha.

-My own mind-

I was a super hero.. I would save everyone in my class and they would all love me.. They would want me to be their friend.. They would want ME! The excitement was always fresh on my mind.. I would stay up thinking how I would save them.. A bully would come and I would fight back and protect everyone. I would go all Dragon Ball Z on them.. But this never happened... And when it got close to it.. This one girl was picking on Joshua and Juan because she was older.. So I decided to try and help! And I did... They ran away and started playing by themselves while the girl dragged me into the girls bathroom and pulled my hair... Hoorrahh! I ended up crying.. It hurt and my feelings got hurt too.. But I was still the superhero in my head.. I still wanted to be admired.. And loved.. It never happened.

-My Apartment-

"You stupid Shit. No one loves you. Your grandma is shit. She is nothing!" -Alex

"Shut up! I love my grandma! She means a lot to me you fat..." -Me

"You fucken pussy.... God just get the fuck out!" -Alex

"Just shut up..." -Me.

I was crying.. A lot. He made fun of me.. My family. Everything I loved when I was small... The only things I loved were my Grandma, Mom, and Dad. I had nothing to say.. He made me feel like shit.. I was around 8 or 9. I cussed out loud to him.. My first time. The first time I stuck out my middle finger... I didn't want to step out of my apartment if he was there.. And I didn't for a year. Aside from the fact that him, Jonny and Dennis Always called me gay or a fag.. It hurt! You're less 10 and you are being made fun of this way? Call me a pussy or anything but you have no idea how much this hurts for a small kid.. And how horrible it feels when you think you might actually be gay because of what EVERYONE tells you.. Yess everyone! Even those kids at school, at my apartment.. It was not fair. It hurt.

I Shall finish this tomorrow or some other day. Haha. I have to sleep cause I have work tomorrow. So goodnite people! Thank you for being slightly interesting in what I call.. My life.

Au revoir.

With Every Step

2009-09-17T21:02:00.000-07:00

I can not Love what my heart does not beat for.

Even if you give me back the soul you called yours.

I can't look back at the mirror with innocent eyes.

And you should explain.

Why does the world mean so much to you.

And So little to me.

With every step, there is a new surprise.

Something you can't see in the light.

With every step, a new person is blind.

Falling deeply in love.

With every step, there is some hope.

That soon you'll smile again.

And you want to know,

Why the world means nothing to me.

And So much to you.

Because every promise that we break.

A little piece is torn from our hearts.

Because every word that is a lie.

A little piece is thrown into the floor.

Because every time you say goodbye.

A little piece goes along with you.

Because every dream we smile with fear.

A little Piece is lost at night.

Because you're never here.

The last piece dies alone.

Ughh... So I was gonna write more. But like.. I had to go help my sister finish her homework and a lot of time went by there. Haha. So I'll just leave it as this. I think it sounds okay? Then again its ten and people are here so I can't think that straight. Haha. Well this is all. Thank you all for your attention. Bye bye.

It's A Mad World When I Look For You.

2009-09-17T20:42:00.001-07:00

So you run.

No looking back.

You close your eyes.

You heart beats faster.

Your breathing starts to struggle.

Your sides start to feel a thin pain.

Your feet feel heavier after every step.

Your hands keep moving back and forth, back and forth.

You stop.

Catch your breath.

You look around.

To the left..

To the right.

No cars.

You keep going, and going, and going.

You close your eyes, and pray.

And pray some more.

You stop under a shady tree.

You sit down and cross your hands together.

You hear your breathing.

You hear your heart.

Thump.

You hear the footsteps of others coming.

You open your eyes.

They look at you.

You look at them.

They keep running, you keep staring.

Your heart is calm.

Your breathing is normal.

Your legs feel heavier than before.

You stick one hand out of the shadowy tree.

You look at the sun.

Stare directly at it for two seconds.

You say..

"Come on, Let's run some more, we'll catch the sun when it sets."

You start running again.

Your sides hurt more.

Your feet feel heavier.

You catch up to the others.

You pass them without looking back.

They just stare while you keep running.

And You close your eyes, and keep going, and going, and going.

Give Me A Lie

2009-09-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

Bloody Monday is sexy! Just read it.. It's about a genius Hacker! Haha. And how he is trying to stop a terrorist attack that might kill millions of people! :O

Well the title doesn't mean shit. Haha. I just wanted something interesting as a title....

Currently, I am Hearing Amber Pacific while playing The Legend of Zelda. Isn't that so awesome? Haha. Well I have a lot of homework this weekend.. Lame.. :P But I can do it fast so that's good. And I really have nothing to talk about today. I went to work and I welded something? Is that interesting by any chance? I bet not. Haha. BUT! I want a green house... That would be so sexy.. It'll match with the forest Imma be lost in. I'll talk to birds and squirrels will bring me food. I'll make the rest of the animals my slaves... Unless they eat me..? Scary thought.. Haha. I can't imagine a deer eating me... Haha.

So!? God dammit.. I have a stuffed Pikachu! He is so adorable! Haha. Ooooh! I know what to talk about! I'm sad!! Haha. I noticed that at a certain age and time of my life... I'll have to stop wearing my Skinny Jeans and eyeliner! Why? Because if you are old and still wear those types of things and you are a guy.... It just looks plain retarded sometimes. Some can pull it off! I will admit that, but I probably won't be one of those guys. Haha. So today I was thinking... What am I gonna wear in the future! And.... Nothing came to mind. Haha. I feel... Literally.. Horrible! Without my Skinny jeans. They mean the world to me! Especially since the tighter they are... The more.. Manly? I feel! Haha. Weird but true! The tightness shows how hardcore you are. Haha. And I like my pants to be really hardcore! But sadly I won't be hardcore for the rest of my life! Noo... Oh well... My kids will wear tight pants.. They'll pass on my legacy of gayness! Haha! Or so I hope... Those future bastards better... Haha.

Well.. I guess that's all I'll blog about. I want to finish playing.. I'm at ganadorf's castle! And I have to go to church tomorrow! I don't like church.. It's boring.. Haha. But I gotta go to do that Confirmation thing... Blah blah blah... I'm only doing it because that way I can get married by the church. Haha. So that's pretty cool to me... But still! I will not sleep till I beat Ganadorf! If it takes the whole night, then so be it! Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha! Well.. Thank you for your attention!

Bye Mothafuckers. I'm sorry.. I did NOT mean that.. I love you all sexy people of the world, let's kill our king!... If only we had one... Damn it!

Well.... Bye!

Spears!

2009-09-09T21:00:00.000-07:00

Okay.. So this is not about spears. Hehe. But... I haven't blogged in FOREVER! Imma start trying to do that more often now. Writing about my boring life. And about my school.. Which is even more boring. Haha. This right now is just something short and really not important. And I just want to show this! Haha.

Yeah.. That's Andy Sixx, The lead singer for Black Veil Brides. Haha. I went to see them.. Awesome.. :D

Okay... Ignoring that. Right now it seems school is rather dull.. D: I haven't played Ocarina of Time in like almost 5 days. Last tiime I played was two days ago but it was like a quickie! Like I just got the lens of truth and I stopped playing right after that! Grrr..... Ahh! Today I went to Chewy's house.. I got some of his music. Haha. He hears pretty rad shit. I love it. :D

And I'm blogging right now because I was talking to Samantha on the phone and she made me feel like writing this boring ass thing. Haha. And then I stopped talking to her because my dad was getting mad at me... Which sadly, it only entertains me.. I have a bad habit of talking back just like every other teen in the world. Haha. But I'm working on that.. :)

Okay... So? What do I talk about now? Uhhmmm...... I have.. Red Eyeliner? Do any of you even care about that? I think not... O.o Haha.

Oh! My sister has this friend.. Who is pretty much a rebel.. And the teachers are scared that it will change my sister because he talks back to teachers and since he is African American so he thinks that anyone that points him out is racist. Little kids.. Oh! And my sister is his only friend. Hah. But hopefully my sister won't change because she is really sweet, and she will definitely be a change in our world.. She sort of does that now..

In a story.. She would be the main character.. Someone important who makes a change.

And me... I'm a minor character and I like it! :D

But I love my sister. Haha. And that is the end of this Blog! Goodnite world!

I'm All Alone, In A World That Doesn't Care.

2009-08-29T14:36:00.000-07:00

Haha. I love how the Title sounds.. It sounds very.. Inspiring to Me. Well Not really. Haha. But I like it. It sounds interesting and reminds of my elementary years. Haha.

Well... At the moment I don't have much on my mind. It's 1:35 in the morning and I'm kinda lost. I'm simply hearing Five Star Nation-Missing You. And I'm just replaying the song over and over. It makes me think.. And I like the song a lot. And well... At the moment I'm not really pleased with myself. I haven't written in quite a while and I've been getting a good amount of sleep. Well the sleep is good cause I'll hopefully grow more. I want to be tall. Haha. Being 5"5 is not good.

Soo... What do I talk about? Hmm.. Probably.. The fact.. That I like being alone. Haha. It makes me feel good.. To be simply staring at the world and doing nothing. Not even smiling. Just staring. Well.. That's my type of fun. Haha. Most people I know tell me I look depressed when I do this during school. Or that I'm sad. Or that I'm about to cry. But I really just like staring at the blue.. It seems so pretty and it makes everything feel like it's not impossible. It makes the world seem so close and connected and I like it.

I am currently drinking water.. And I'm really tired. Of a lot of things. But oh well, Life is life. And I just remembered when I was talking to Brenda and Ja$min, they said I don't care about anything.. And I think about it.. And everything I say, everything I do.. It does seem like I don't care at all. Hah. And I kinda agree but I do care about a few things. Most of those only being one person. But whenever I talk about her to my friends and the current obstacles. I don't know what to say or what to do.. And they say that I don't care about anything, even the person I love. And it hurts me. Haha. How lame.. Then I start thinking I should act happier and more... Lively? And I do that, and Brenda tells me... "Why do you always force your smile?" And I ask her what does she mean. And she says that I always have like one side of my lip pulling up to smile, but my eyes look sad.. Or like.. Half closed and my eyes don't seem happy. Haha. So I quit on smiling during school.. I rather just concentrate on learning like I'm supposed to.

I don't find school fun.. Or an excuse to spend time with friend. I only did when I was in 8th grade. Probably the happiest year of my life so far. Haha. But as for now.. School is just school. I go there to learn and become a better me. A better person to society and myself. That's my goal. Since I don't care much toward friends, or the fun of hanging out. I rather keep it cool, and learn. And maybe that way, the future will be nicer and a lot more interesting than it is now. I mean.. Learning is pretty fun. Or at least I like it. I'm not stupid at all, but I don't get the best grades. Just "A's" and "B's" and one "C". But I don't try. If I did, who knows how good I could do. So I think I'm going to actually try this year and do my best.

And I think a teacher defined me as apathetic. Some stupid kid mentioned it. And he said he was apathetic. But the guy is totally happy, always loud and annoying. Making moaning noises and feeling better than the rest of us just because he is bi. People like him piss me off. I feel like the way they think is stupid and useless and an annoyance to the world. Or maybe that's just me. But point is, he was saying he is apathetic, and the teacher didn't believe him much.. (He said he was apathetic while he was Smiling) And well.. Even she found that stupid and looked around the room, and said that an apathetic person could see a lady getting mugged and he won't give a shit. And strangely enough she stares at me for quite a while.. More then 5 seconds. And in her eyes I could kinda see that she must've wanted to use me as an example. Haha. I think it was because she was talking most of the day and I never bothered smiling at her. Haha.

But yeah.. Over all... It is 2:12 A.M. And I am still doing nothing. I want to sleep now. I'm really tired. And tomorrow, I think I'm going to spend the day outside my apartment just staring at things. So yeah.. Goodnite and sweet dreams world. Bye.

P.s. I don't dream anymore.

P.s.s. I am scared of dreaming sometimes.

Just Talking About.... Myself. :O

2009-08-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

So I haven't blogged lately. I honestly didn't feel like it. Haha. I was just doing nothing and simply hanging out with myself, but that makes me feel good so that's why I haven't blogged. But i guess today is a good day to blog. At the moment I am listening to Owl City, but now it's Hellogoodbye.

Okay.. So.. What do talk about? I had a field trip yesterday.. A 4 hours to get there, and another 4 hours to get back.. God that was the most non-cool field trip. We went to Manzanar, where they kept all the Japanese people but I didn't mind it that bad... They weren't treated that badly.. But yeah... Let's ignore that. :D

So in the bus ride, I was sitting with my friend Walter, and in front of me, there was Ja$min and Brenda. Those three are really cool friends so yea... And We were talking about some work sheet we got at school. It's about colors and personality. So me and Walter are green, meaning we are quiet and thoughtful. And Brenda and Ja$min asked us what we think about so much? (We were quiet for like a really long time in the bus) And soo... We couldn't think of anything.. But then we came up that we think about the future. Like.. What are we going to be doing, how's it going to be... All those possibilities.

But I had more than just that.. For me... It's a lot simpler I think.. I just don't think sometime. And I just let my eyes see everything around me.. The mountains, the dried up lakes, the red sunset, the moon in the blue sky. And it entertains me.. But then I start think.. "Soo..." And that's all I see... Just "Soo..." And that turns into.. "What Now?" "What am I going to do?" But yeah.. It's really weird the way I think. Brenda and Ja$min said I have a complex mind.. Or that I just think differently. Because Brenda said I shit talk about people. Haha. And so does Ja$min. But Ja$min does it because she thinks she is better than them. Haha. But I don't shit talk.. I like.. Judge the way they think.. Like.... This one girl Jenny. Who broke up with her boyfriend. Haha. She is complaining so much about it. Like... She says she doesn't care, that he is an ass-hole, that she feels sorry for whoever his next victim is? Dude... The guy just didn't like her anymore.. And she is complaining about it... It's annoying the crap out of me, and that's what I talk about. How stupid her whining is and how completely useless her thoughts are.. She says she want to run away from her problems... And well.. I don't know, but I find the way she thinks really stupid. I don't like it, she thinks like and Immature person. But yeah... :D

And that's all I will blog about.. I'll blog later after I shower, but for now.... Imma go pick clothe and here music and do something boring. Haha. And I might go see Black Veil Brides today? I think? Haha. Bye.

P.s. Boo Is sexy. <3

Seduced By Elegance

2009-08-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

It's the times when I'm left in the dark.

When you tell me to close my eyes,

And follow you into the cracks.

Where everything is worse,

And nothing gets better.

Where hope is cheap, and love are sold out fines.

And it's you taking me into these circles of lines

We're side by side, but so far apart.

I hear a heart, but it's mine breaking against glass.

You said you would be mine,

And I chose to love when I knew I was going to fall.

They said I like life to be hard,

A hole in the air making it hard to breathe.

But it's not my fault that no one can love true.

And that every step I take is a struggle.

A torture to believing the future will be hopeful.

But it's a lonely dream knowing that it's a lie.

In the concept of hello, all I heard was a goodbye.

When feeling alive seems so surreal.

With time wasting while I get through this phase.

They said I think too much.

But it's a never ending wave of possibilites.

A change from left to right, right to left.

And if you believe in what lies ahead,

Say we'll never leave this dream for dead.

And that you'll be with me until the end.

It's the times when I'm left in the dark.

When you tell me to close my eyes,

And follow you into the cracks.

Where everything is worse,

And nothing gets better.

Where hope is cheap, and love are sold out fines.

And it's you taking me into these circles of lines

It was so romantic, that I fell for words so pure.

I believed anything was possible with you.

But I never thought that what you said was true.

I was being seduced by the elegance in your words.

And it was horrible that something so beautiful,

Can be stained in so many shades of grey.

They said that I like to be sad,

To cry every night and mourn for love.

But it's not fair that I can't ever find it right.

It's never easy and everyday I'm afraid.

There might be a sudden change in the wind,

And you'll be blown away from my life.

It was never easy to hold the knife.

If I could've closed my eyes and fall into the stars.

None of this would be staring into my eyes.

I would be able to breathe without you.

The possibilities would be endless with you.

And every night I would hold you close and dream.

But the hope had to die and love becomes black.

And they said that I should just die.

But how can you die when you found a reason,

When you have something worth living for.

How can I die, when you said you loved me.

It's the times when I'm left in the dark.

When you tell me to close my eyes,

And follow you into the cracks.

Where everything is worse,

And nothing gets better.

Where hope is cheap, and love are sold out fines.

And it's you taking me into these circles of lines

And it's you taking me into this life.

I hope you all enjoy, It took two days to write this. So please enjoy it. Uhmm... Not quite sure what its about? Something like.. Losing hope, fearing the future. Being unsure and insecure.. Welll that's what I was feeling, I'm not sure if that is what this shows too. Hehe. Well that is all, please like it. Goodnite world.

I Look Manly. :D

2009-08-23T00:48:00.000-07:00

Random Guy: You look gay.

Me: Your face does!

Random Guy: Dude.. Why the hell do you wear girl shirts? You have no boobs to fill up the Damn V-Neck!

Me: Well you know why? Because your mom put it on me just so she can take it off whore!

Random Guy: What the fuck? I just asked why! Why did you bring my mom into this!?

Me: Uhhmmm.. -stays quiet-

Random Guy: You know.. You're an ass hole that hurts feelings!

Me: I'm sorry.. Want a hug? :D

Random Guy: .. Sure. :D

-Hug-

Me: Sorry about doing your mom.. I know she hasn't moved in three days out of her bed.

Random Guy: What? O.o

Me: Nothing? ;D

So.. I took pictures today. :D I don't feel as if I look good in any of them... But damn, it was an hour of taking pictures to get reduced to this one. And why? Because my body looks curvy.. Like a girls. But I think it's because of the way I'm standing. Haha. I'm not that curvy.. Just a little? And that little hint of eyeliner is some chafa shit my mom uses which I used because I lost mine! :( I'm still mourning over it.. Haha.

Aside from that.... People came over and I was talking to Samantha on the phone. I am great host aren't I? Haha. Well.. Me and Samantha just caught up on a few things.. And we made the past kinda clearer as well. Haha. It was rather interesting... And now I wonder one thing... "How does it feel to kiss Diego?" [Dude... That's such a freaken gay though.] No it's not.. I'm just wondering you ass hole. [Calling me and ass hole means calling yourself an ass hole, I'm your inner conscious, whore.] Oh yeah huh?... Well why the hell are you calling me names bitch?! [.... I don't know? I'm a ghost! Boo!] Ahh! Bitch! [Dude.. I'm leaving.. You are so gay.] I'm not! God.. You damn homosexual! [Hah! You just called yourself gay!] ....Damn it.!

Okay, Well I'm actually not wondering that.. That would be pretty darn gay. I'm simply wondering about the future, and Kim Kardeshishsishi...... Or something like that.. It's name is weird.. Samantha told me to look it up. Haha. But yeah.. Aside from that, I enjoyed talking on the phone. It was Fun. :]

So right I am currently listening to Chiodos on the stereo. They are making a new Cd! ( I think?) I want that.. Haha. They are so sexy.. Even if Craig Owens has that little squeaky singing voice, but I love it. Haha.

And well.. This is the end of this.. I got tired of typing? Sure, lets go with that. :]

Bye Bye.

Nothing You Whore. <3

2009-08-22T14:02:00.000-07:00

Random Title. Haha. Well... This is one of those pointless post in which I talk about my useless life that means something to other people... Yay! I'm smiling in the inside. Haha. Lame..

Well.. As you most likely do not know.. I started school yesterday, Friday. "Sit and watch me die." O.o How scary.. I'm hearing Underoath - Watch Me Die. The song is pretty sexy.. He is like... Whispering the beginning.. It's kick ass. :D (Kick ass is such a funny word. Hah.) Okay.. Back to the point. I started school.. God it's such a whore going there... (I have no idea how the whore relates to this but.. Yeah... :D) Okay.. So school was a annoying, troublesome day. Aside that I had some really tight pants and my balls where like rubbing against each other.. That hurt.... XP But the people there were also annoying.. It was so loud and it's seriously like.. "Can't you just shut up and pay attention? Is it that hard?" Well.. I was quiet the whole day... A lot of people said I looked depressed but I just don't like talking that much! And then some cholita girl in some class is all like.. How do you do this? In a loud, confident, bossy voice... (I don't like those voices!) And I said to her.. I don't know.. In a low, meek, whispering type of way. And she stared at me... I'm probably guessing that she was thinking.. "Is this guy gay or emo? He has freaken eyeliner on. God.. " And she some wierd thing her hand.. And I looked down cause she scared me. Haha. And aside from that..

The 10th grade teachers are really preppy.. That kinda turns me off. Haha. (No it doesn't.. It just scares me... O.o) And so.. All the students and me had to get up and get some paper signed with each others names so we can know each other better. And so.. That was boring. I was able to stay sitting down for like half an hour without the teacher noticing me.. And only a few people came to me so I had like.. 5 names written down? Haha. But then the teachers come and she starts asking me questions from the little paper. (She was all excited and crap.. Haha.) And it went like this..

Teacher: Play on a sports teams? (All happy)

Me: No. (With a Seriously bored face.)

Teacher: Ridden a bike for more than 25 miles? (Still all happy)

Me: I don't use bikes. (Seriously bored face.)

Teacher: Like to sit in the sun? (Still all happy!)

Me: No. (Even more bored.)

Teacher: Recycle newspaper? (Still happy but less preppy now.)

Me: No. (Still bored.)

Teacher: Watch more than 5 hours of T.v? (Just smiling and less preppy.)

Me: No. (Still bored but amused by her lessening interest in me.)

Teacher: Like to sing? (Regains preppiness.)

Me: Not really. (Still bored)

Teacher: I an only child? (Lossing preppiness)

Me: No. (Still bored)

Teacher: Lke to hike? (Less Preppy and just a grin now.)

Me: No. (Stiill bored)

Teacher: Do you like history!? (Kinda lost all preppiness and maybe irritated by me and kinda desperate for an answer..)

Me: It's Interesting. (I gave her a small smile cause I was amused by her)

Teacher: Good! Finally, Now get up and walk around. (Regained preppiness but looked kinda stressed out by me. O.o)

Me: I don't know.. But sure.. (Bored. :D)

And that was me and the teacher.. It was kinda funny. Haha.

But then I actually got up and had to walk around. And the rest of the day was kinda the same.. Teachers picking on me cause I was quiet. Haha.

Well... I'll blog later about other things in my mind, I need to Ketchup on blogs. Haha. (Ketchup.. It's like Catch Up! :D)

Bye!

P.s. The tree is like.. Roar! Imma eat you! Yummy yumm yumm, Gobble gobble. :D

The Fall? (I need better song Titles)

2009-08-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

I'm trying so hard to close my eyes.

Singing to the same old song.

Trying so hard to dream.

But it's always the same nightmare.

The heartache of our fear.

Believing we'll be where we once stood.

But it's your fault we're so close to the edge.

We're Staring straight into the fall.

We're deeply gazing into the end.

With the voices in my head.

Pleading me to take a step.

Getting ready to tie a life with death.

But not this time.

We're getting so close to sleep.

We're getting so close to this.

The tears in my eyes.

Your hollow smile reflection.

Seems like nothing can be made up as something.

Thinking that if love were true,

Then why can't my heart beat when I say I love you.

If only your words weren't just an echo.

If only your whispers were closer to my heart.

Would the fall have been so bad?

Would it have kept me safe from the start?

Instead I had to break down and cry.

Hoping and wishing that you were closer.

But it's the same frightening dream playing.

You leaving me tied to a post.

Leaving with velvet stains on your lips.

And I'm getting so close to sleep.

The tears in my eyes.

Your hollow smile reflection.

We're getting so close to the fall.

Save me all at once.

Keep me safe in the dark.

Cover my eyes, hold me in your arms,

Keep away all dreams from me.

Keep away all the dreams.

Dreaming that if love were true,

Then why can't my heart beat when I say I love you.

This stupid crap here ended up as a project. I started it Monday but I barely finished it now. I haven't time to work on it. And uhmmm.. What I wrote about would be? -thinks- I tried to write about the voices in my head. And how they seem to be more than just that. And I wrote this. This is kinda what they tell me.. What they think. What I think. So this is in dedication to the voices in my head. Hehe. They started about... July 29 when I wrote that one song thingy.. "Never did I know." But now the voices are resting.. They are leaving. But I liked them, they helped me write everything I've been writing. So hopefully one day, I can write a song or something in dedication to the voices. But that is all. Hope you all enjoy what I wrote.. Goodbye.

P.s. I'm secretly sad.

P.s.s. I need a day alone to do nothing.

P.s.s.s. Imma watch a movie. :]

P.s.s.s.s. I just sighed, I have coffee!

P.s.s.s.s.s. The picture looks nice.. The water is so blue. O.o

Sneak Out!

2009-08-15T18:46:00.000-07:00

"Trying so hard to keep it under control.

Trying to hard to keep it under you.

Was it the same? I don't know.

Have you lost the way? I believe so."

Okaay... That up there. ^ Has no meaning. Haha.

Those are.. Incomplete lyrics. As in.. I will never work on them again because I forgot about them. :D So goodbye to them. Haha.

Well.... Today was shit. Haha. I had to work.. And I hate it.. I go all dirty to work. Haha. And when I get home I'm even dirtier. Haha. But besides that.. I've been texting Samantha most of the day. It's fun. Haha. And I've played Ocarina of Time. And I've had it for three days. And I want to say that I'm slow! I'm barely at Jabu-Jabu's stomach. (I forgot his name already. I hope that was the right name. Haha.) I found the princess. But I got lost on what to do so I took a break. :D After a break I'm always able to think better. Haha. So right now, I'm just simply rocking out to Taking Back Sunday. Yay!. Okay damn.. The song ended. Now I'm hearing I Am Ghost! Did I mention I Am Ghost is my inspiration? (Along with a few other bands...) But they are! I love their lyrics.. They are like... Rawr! "Deadly Love" I would love to write like them but sadly, my shit doesn't compare. But I love them. Haha.

Ahh.. I feel proud today... My song, thingy, poem, whatever it is, impacted Maria! Haha. It was.. "I Know" and I feel proud because my goal is to make my writing impact people! To make them think, or to just affect me. Like they did to one kid at school.. He said, this is a quote, I remember it exactly. "Aww.. The mood was all happy and shit.. But after you showed me this.. I'm sad.. I'm fucken depressed you ass hole" Haha. He said it smiling and laughing, but the point is, I believe my words could somewhat affect people! I hope.. Haha.

Ahh... Well, that's the end of this blog... I should.. "Sneak out" Haha. (Only one person must know what that means. Haha.) Well.. Ocarina of Time calls me once more. So I'm going! Haha.

Bye bye world.

P.s. I just ate... O.o

P.s.s. The song changed, Pierce the Veil now. :D

P.s.s.s. Sex sounds like fun..

P.s.s.s.s. Imma cut my hair Monday!

P.s.s.s.s.s. Song chaned again! Static Lullaby. Haha.

P.s.s.s.s.s.s Saying sex sounds like fun is random.. I'll never have sex.. I'm too stupid. :(

On The Line

2009-08-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

Is it too late? Is it too late to say.

That I love you.. And that I'm afraid of the dark.

That I need your arms, to hold me tight.

To sing me a lullaby and make me feel alive.

I know I wasn't much, I know I didn't try.

But I've always had you in my heart.

And I know what we feel, it hurts too much to say.

But it's this certain sadness, that makes me feel okay.

It's good to know, You're crying on the line with me.

I know that you're sorry, but I will forgive you.

You know that I'm dying, but you still stay here.

I know we've had it hard, from time to time.

I know it's the same fight, but worse every time.

But I'm sure to say.. That once I see your face.

I know everything will be okay.

Because love is never easy.

And being happy is only a way to hide.

Being sad makes us think of suicide.

So what are we to do? What are we to do?

When I know that we just want to die.

But I'm glad to know, that when I go.

If I could die, you'll be breathing on the other line.

Is it too late? Is it too late to say.

That I love you, and that it's a mistake.

To think we aren't meant to be.

Even through this sadness we always smile.

Because when your hand is in mine, nothing seems to go wrong.

And when you smile, I have to smile.

You bring this natural feeling to my heart.

And when you're sad, I'm sad as well.

It's fact that we're connected.

And nothing can break our love.

Or the happiness I receive from you.

It's that moment in life, it's the time that is right.

Because I know where you are, I know your close behind.

It's good to know, You're crying on the line with me.

I know that you're sorry, but I will forgive you.

You know that I'm dying, but you still stay here.

And I couldn't feel more alive, the moment I'm about to die.

You've found a way to say those words, right on cue.

That if our love wasn't real, then it must've been true.

I love you, that's all I'll ever know.

Because when I see your smile, everything will be okay.

Because love is never easy.

And being happy is only a way to hide.

Being sad makes us think of suicide.

So what are we to do? What are we to do?

When I know that we just want to die.

But I'm glad to know, that when I go.

If I could die, you'll be breathing on the other line.

I think the title I gave this is an actual song? O.o Well I just wrote.... Again! Haha. And... I still feel loney! Dammit.. But it's a good lonely.. (Kinda?) I miss someone very much. My Precious Star. (I hope she knows who she is.... Haha.) But I wrote this.. I don't know what it's about exactly.. It's those though times in life I believe? Or something like that.. I just noticed I mention the word suicide and happy in there. (Weird combo. O.o) But either way, I wrote. I've been awake a whole day.. I have nothing better to do! I wrote something else, but I'm not going to show that to anyone. Why? Simple answer. I'm too lazy to type. :P So enjoy this one! Goodbye world.

P.s. I had my writing utensils!

P.s.s. I can keep my writing utensils! <3

P.s.s.s. I love you my precious star. <33

P.s.s.s.s. I'm hungry.. Give me your souls. O.o

P.s.s.s.s.s. I secretly love to write P.s. Over and over.

P.s.s.s.s.s.s. Imma stop being annoying. Haha. Bye!

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. Rawwwwrrr!!

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. The picture is pretty.... Water. Hehe.

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. The P.s.'s make a pyramid thingy.. :O

P.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s.s. I just checked! The title is a damn song! -whispers- Stupid Demi....

I Know.

2009-08-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

The thoughts in my head. The circles in the pavement.

The light shining ever so brightly on a single tile.

And now I've got this feeling. This emotion.

It's the sudden commotion, a city of life.

But where am I fitting in?

I'm not the outcast, just the one that doesn't belong.

If I were ever right, and never wrong.

It would've been easy to love, but I make mistakes.

And if I could sing to you pretty words,

Would you promise to forgive me for I am sorry.

I'm an error to life, a virus in your heart.

If I could turn back this time, if I could prevent me in your heart.

You would know, that life had more meaning.

That it was more than a simple goodbye.

But I just wasn't enough, I wasn't enough to last.

I know you've been crying at night.

I know you're dying for me to hold you close.

I know you miss the scent of my clothes.

I know, I know, that I miss you too.

It's my common thought, to say I'm sorry, over and over.

But such a word is a lie if I can't stop what I did.

I made my way into your dreams.

I made this love seem so real.

But now, I can't seem to leave this feeling, It's gone up and down.

And I stared dead into space, looking for a star to take me away.

As pointless as it seems, I'm dying to get away.

But nothing can change the fact, nothing can stop the past.

Words are only words, I can write from day to day.

But it will never change what I did.

I can cry from day to day, I can slowly die if you want.

But what good would it bring if two hearts choose to stop.

And I know one thing most of all.

It's the fact we're alone.

Without someone to hold us tight.

And that's why this hurts so much.

It's a constant fight whether we live or die.

I know you've been crying at night.

I know you're dying for me to hold you close.

I know you miss the scent of my clothes.

I know, I know, that I miss you too.

This was.. Written for no reason.. -thinks- It's so lonely.. Hah. I secretly want to be hugged.. I feel lonely.. And now I have tears in my eyes.. Stupidity. Haha. Well.. That's all... I don't think those are lyrics. I don't think it's a poem.. I have no fucken clue. O.o So how about you just enjoy? Hah. Well thank you.. Bye.

P.s. I'm lonely..

P.s.s. I'm hearing Aqualung-Brighter Than Sunshine. It's such a pretty song and I love the lyrics.

Did You Know?

2009-08-11T15:18:00.000-07:00

This feeling, These thoughts.

The time fading into the dark.

My love, stopping in its tracks.

It's the bells I hear.

Mourning for the heart dragged through misery.

It's made its way.

It's too soft to hear, but it's screaming your name.

After so long, it just wants to know.

"Why am I still alive?"

Did you know, I lost my soul to ghost?

I've been caught in the act.

Red handed, I've fallen in love.

Without a soul, I loved you throgh the years that have passed.

My time won't come.

I will never die, this love will never end.

I've been sick, with this pain in my chest.

My ragged breathing caught on a thorn.

The flowers I sent, Withered away with the tears that fed this sadness.

And all I want to know, is why am I still alive?

Did you know, I lost my shadow to the sunlit sky.

I've been forced to walk alone.

No one left to hold.

My colorful canvas was only that made of dreams.

In which I held you, and kissed your lips for more than hours.

But when I wake, I'm screaming in pain.

Knowing if I dream of you, my heart seems to race.

And my breathing stops to rest.

But it's all in my head because I'm perfectly okay.

I'm just dying to my own love.

And my heart that still lingers for your affection.

And all I want to know, is why am I still alive?

Did you know, I dream of dying but my heart never stops.

This is what I wanted, to die in the same bed as you.

But my heart never stopped.

And your life ended right before my eyes.

And all I wanted to know..

"Why am I still alive, without a reason to live?"

So I wrote that! Haha. And well.. I was thinking about.. -thinks- (What was I thinking about?) I don't know... I had no Idea why I wrote that. Hah. So that means... Just enjoy, I didn't put much thought into it.. It was around two that I wrote that? I think.. Well enjoy! Bye.

P.s. The picture has nothing to do with what I wrote, but I love it. Haha.

P.s.s. I give horrible titles to the things I write... Eww....

P.s.s.s. Imma have my phone, laptop, notebook, pens, pencil, anything that makes light and anything that would allow me to write taken away away from me tonight. My parents worry about my lack of sleep.. (I kinda do too know.. O.o) But either way.... I won't be writing tonight. Haha.

Okay, Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

2009-08-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

Keyword for Today:

How are you? I am Okay. Haha. Have you ever had that feeling.. In which everything is simply okay? And I don't mean okay as in good. More like.. Just simply okay. Not good okay, nor bad okay. (Is there such a thing as good or bad okay?) But well.. What I'm talking about is in the middle. Not good, nor bad. Just simply... Okay.

I had that feeling more than once. It must've been when I was in a more depressive mood. On the contrary, I have been happy lately. Haha. But I remember when everything was just okay! It was such a comforting, numb feeling. Damn.. I don't feel that way anymore so I can't fully describe it. But it was like... feeling Happy, and Sad at the same time. A Weird thing to feel. You don't feel like smiling, you don't feel like being sad. You don't feel like moving, but you can't be still. Does that make any sense? No it doesn't. Haha. But it was like just being there. You're not doing anything. You're not affecting someone's life, you're not affecting your own life. And no one is bothering to affect you either. Ignore, and be ignored. But that doesn't fully describe that comforting numb feeling. Haha. I can't remember honestly. But it wasn't that bad of a feeling. In fact, me feeling like that, meant ignoring every emotion I could feel. To throw them away. I wouldn't care if anything happened to me, I wouldn't care if anything happened to the person next to me. I wasn't happy, nor sad. Do you kinda get me? You are just simply, Okay.

And I remember the reason to when this feeling started. It started the same day that I started to love being in the dark more and more. It was probably the day I felt so hopeless and.. Non-alive. Haha. And well, I gave up on the feeling. I said screw it. I didn't want to be sad, I didn't want to be happy. And I did it! (Not that I'm proud. Haha.) But yeah, it involved.. If I remember, it was about.. a week or so that I felt that, I went through all those days, almost not smiling. I smiled at friends, which was very annoying if you ask me. But when I would get home, I would close the door and listen to music and think. And I wouldn't smile unless my mom came so I could fool her. Haha. But afterwards the feeling went away. And I was.. happy-ish. Haha.

And that feeling came once more, for a last time, which was when Samantha and I stopped talking for about.. A month. Haha. We didn't talk at all! It was kinda.. Not pleasant at all. I missed her. But for that month and a little bit before, I decided I didn't want to feel. I decided that when I saw her at her school one time. It was when their football team was practicing and we went to talk about Us.. (Maria and Karen were also there.) And we did talk.... And we decided to not go out. And so I walked her home. I left a block before we got to her house, I didn't want to say goodbye.. I didn't want to let go. But I did. I had to leave. As soon as I turned I remember crying.. I was taking the bus home. But I didn't feel like it. So I walked home. Which is like.. twenty blocks away. Haha. I walked half of it, almost got ran over three times. Stupid cars.. Then again, I wasn't paying attention. That was when that.. I'm Okay, Mood returned. And it stayed.

So walking home was pleasant, I had many things to think about. The future, the past, the possibilities, my fantasies. It was around the second time that I was about to get ran over.. (Stupid Mexican guy on a phone) that I said,

"What's the point? No matter what I try, I always fail, no matter what I say, it's always wrong. Even the things I don't say are always wrong."

So I threw away my fantasies, I hated them at that one moment. I didn't think of the future, the past was the only thing I still loved, but at that moment, I didn't want to think about it either. And I didn't. And my whole personality changed quite a lot.. From hopeful, and fantasizing, to just giving up, not trying. If things seemed hard, I didn't want to try. If I had dreams or a desire, I forgot them because they were never going to happen. And I stayed like that for a month. A month of a comfortably numb feeling.

But then.. Me and Samantha started talking, she noticed something was wrong. And as we started talking more and more. I got back to my cheerful, and hopeful self. Which is good. Haha. But some effects still stayed. Like loving the dark. Wanting to always be alone. Writing. And seeing the world differently. But it's good I'm back to my old self. So.. Thank you, Princess. Haha. That is all for today, Imma go watch T.V. Hah. Bye.

7 Words

2009-08-09T00:50:00.000-07:00

I want to be on the moon.

Inspiration.

2009-08-06T13:48:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about why I write. Since last night. So I'll go through a small explanation of how it started.

It started in 6th grade. It was a cloudy day, (That's kinda cliche. Haha.) and I had a girlfriend, her name was Nataly.. (I think that's how you spell it? I forgot) But we had a horrible relationship, talk about abuse. She used to hit me. I know, I know, that sounds really lame but it was true. And the last time she broke up with me, she hit me in the balls.. And then she says, "You can dump if you want, I don't care." And I said no, it was okay. But later on in P.E. while running the mile, she comes up to me and says, "You know.. I don't want to be going out anymore" And I smiled and said okay. And she looks at me shocked, she said, "You aren't sad or anything?" And I smiled at her and said no, and I ran the mile. I felt amazing running that day. I think it's been ever since then, that whenever I have problems, I just love to run. I like to cry while running. Even if it's kinda hard, it's something I do to forget my problems, and it helps. Haha. Okay back to the point! It was on a cloudy day. I wrote something for Nataly, the first thing I ever wrote. I felt really proud and romantic. But sadly, during lunch, some girls came.. And then picked on me.. (God was I lame or what?) And well, they took the thing I wrote and read it.. They laughed at me. And at what I wrote. They gave it back to me.. But I felt ashamed.. I didn't want anyone to see it after that, not even myself. So I threw it away and I don't remember what I wrote except for one line. "You are the sun in my cloudy days." But that was all. Haha.

7th grade, I never wrote anything, I was kinda ashamed since they laughed at me.

8th grade, The passion for writing was reborn during the second semester when I was with Samantha. I'm not romantic, that's for sure. So I wrote. And it started when I saw something she wrote.. I found it amazing, that must of been the thing that turned me on. About everything. Knowing that what she wrote, was so sad.. but so beautiful. I loved what she wrote.. It amazed me.. I wanted to write like her.. So I tried, I'm still trying! What she wrote, even though I don't remember it much. Amazed me so much.. Thinking about it makes me sad.. And as I said, I wanted to write like that.. But sadly I can't. All I write is this stupid shit. Haha. But after that, I tried, and I tried. I dedicate everything I write, to her, because she was the source of it all, the inspiration of my life. And I hope she stays as my inspiration. But that's how it started. And I stopped for a while in 9th grade, the first semester, but after that I started writing more and more. I even bought a notebook. And I named it Icarus. Haha. I know.. What a lame name, but I liked it. I was hearing Alesana so I decided to name it after the song. And up until now, I'm still writing, and enjoying it.

I would like to be a professional writer or something one day, but I don't think I'm cut out for it. But I'll still try and try. I'll see where this road takes me if I'm still following it. I would also like to make a book, but in Poem verses, I hope I succeed in that. Haha. But for now, I'm still 15 so I'll just enjoy life and learn from is so I can write even more and more. Just like my second inspiration in life, I want to be bright, I want to shine. I want to be important to someone, or something. I want to know, I have meaning.

My second inspiration are the stars, the nighttime sky, the moon. Why? I don't know.. But after knowing I'm up so late at night, I like looking outside my window, and just seeing how it's so dark. And there's no one there but me. Me and my breathing, my heart beat. Just me. And it feels special. It makes me feel that anything is possible in a world with dreams. And that's why I fantasize a lot. Haha. I have dreams when I sleep on time.. Which is not very often, but its fun. So when I grow up, I want to at least accomplish this. To get out of L.A. And move to a place where I can look up at the sky, and see stars. That would be one of my major dreams in life.To see stars in the sky.. It would literally complete my life, even more if I was next to the person I love. But just seeing the stars.. I wouldn't mind if I stayed up all night. I would simply love it.

And this is the end of this blog.. I think I actually talked about myself? Wow... Amazing. Haha. Well enjoy, Goodbye. :]

And This Is What I Like

2009-08-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

This is what I like, Being up late at night.

Making myself believe I am special.

Making myself feel like an angel.

But no mistakes this time, I'm not doing this twice.

making myself believe we're a lie.

It just wasn't worth the fight.

And this is what I like, having the light glow so faintly.

Breathing the air ever so slightly.

I'm not okay, and we all heard this once before.

But it's not always going to be fine.

I've said it once so I'll say it twice.

I loved you, right from the start.

Tonight, please lets not cry, It's going on and on,

This constant stabb in our hearts.

Stop making my believe you were just a lie.

Because I know it was right from the start.

You were always by my side,

Making me believe I was alive.

But did you ever know, that you were the beat in my heart.

That every breath I took, you simply took it away?

Left me gasping for air.

Tell me this wasn't right since the start.

Loving you is what I love most.

And this is what I like.

Moving the hair off your eyes.

Kissing your lips on a star.

So lets not cry tonight.

I'll make it a very special night if you're next to me.

I may not be romantic but sure I try.

Because love is hard to show.

But ours is true.

So I want to give you every second of my life.

You were always by my side,

Making me believe I was alive.

But did you ever know, that you were the beat in my heart.

That every breath I took, you simply took it away?

Left me gasping for air.

Tell me this wasn't right since the start.

Loving you is what I love most.

I wrote... Around last night? Not quite sure what I was doing but I wrote this. Haha. I hope you all enjoy, bye.

Unknown Title.

2009-08-05T03:58:00.000-07:00

How many times do I need to cry before you find out it's real?

Was it not enough to kiss your wrist after the scars I left?

While you were kissing him and I was smiling in my sleep?

I thought it felt so real, but they say love is blind.

The arrows pointed to the left, but I turned to my right.

If only you would've stayed, it wouldn't have been the wrong choice.

But this is all a mistake and I guess it took my place.

When I found out the tender feel of his lips on yours.

Was I never enough? I thought my warmth meant the world to you.

But it seems the world isn't much in your hands.

Just another glow in an endless sky of stars.

Its true I was never bright like the sun

But I have so much more than an oversized star could give.

But thinking I was the light in your life, was just a honest mistake.

And here to ask, was the melody of your heart,

Better with his hand under your shirt?

The ceremony was just to start,

Was it hard to dress in tainted clothe?

On our wedding day, the purest moment in our lives.

The day you would love me more.

You looked just like any other whore. (Girl)

All I want to know..

Was his kiss better than my lips on your neck?

Let's start sweetheart, wasn't this magical?

Dancing under the moon.

But why were your eyes to distracted from the beauty of your reflection?

It must've been my words that made you lose concentration.

When I said "I love you" Such a tragedy you are.

Always caring but never the right way.

You should just fall into your own facade.

You were never a great liar from the start.

I could read you like a book, with big words and art.

You were just that easy from the start.

Our whole lives played out in a Tragedy,

Greater than that of Romeo and Juliet.

They might've died together, but I have to see you die with him.

And then I kill myself for the pity I have to see.

I've suffered more, trying to find the words.

Tying ot understand what I could not see.

Looking for something to compare what I felt for you.

Sadly words are limited,

And I'm bleeding my heart out in the dress you wore.

Was it never enough, Knowing I gave you my life?

Where the vows we made, a last resort to sore love?

It was nice to know you bothered to repeat the words.

But you never meant them, and that always broke my heart.

When you would feel my warmth but sleep in his arms.

It's sad to know, I had my heart thrown around right before my eyes.

Maybe it was just me in love..

But I enjoyed every moment that I spend pretending that you loved me too.

It was nice to know your passion has enough for two.

But how I wished it would be only mine.

How I wished you were only mine..

Okay... So.. If I were ever able to sing and play an instrument, and sing this song... I need to edit a lot. Haha. I just wrote here.. It's not perfect at all... I kinda don't like it.. From the.. "Lets start sweet heart..." To the.. " And kill myself for the pity I have to seee." So we can remove that. Haha. Also.. I don't like the fact I used whore.. so thats why I could change it to girl! :D And that is all... It is currently almost 4 a.m. I think? Haha. Well.. I should sleep... Goodnite.

P.s. I'm most likely not sleeping. O.o

P.s.s. No picture, too lazy, it's late at night. Haha.

It Was On A Rainy Day.

2009-08-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

Breathing so Shallow, Slowly as my fingertips brush your eyes.

Your closing eyes. Where are you now?

Why am I here on your deathbed? Was it all for nothing?

Knowing we made it so far.

Where we took dreams and made them into reality.

I thought it would've gone our way.

But it never turned to our direction.

It never followed the fiction in our hearts.

It was on a sunndy day, when our hearts decided to stop.

A satisfied thirst was met with unquenchable desires.

To steal that heart of yours and bury it next to mine.

To be together even in the life after our end.

The day we believed angels could drown.

When we proved the world wrong.

True love never dies, for you will always be mine.

We might've caused the fall of grace and beauty,

But it was on a sunny day, that we were the most beautiful beings on Land and Sky.

The day that our hearts decided to stop.

It was on a cloudy day, that our hearts stood and froze.

Was it a gloomy day? Was it enough to say I want to die?

And that I'll always love you, even after my corpse is gone.

Surely it was a shame to know, we'll fall into decay.

We were rotten from the inside,

We were melting under those cloudly skies.

For the tears that we shed, could never fill the sea at bay.

It was never wrong to say that we will die,

A miserable end for the filth we have felt.

Your hand wilting away under my breath.

Since when were we so fragile,

that a soft brush of my lips would burn your body into ash.

I was never able to feel that warmth from your heart,

After the sky decided to cry for our endless love.

It was then, that we believed angels could drown.

When we proved the world wrong.

True love never dies, for you will always be mine.

We might've caused the fall of grace and beauty,

But it was on a cloudly day, that we were the most beautiful beings on Land and Sky.

The day that our hearts decided to stop.

It was on a rainy day. The one day I would've wished away.

The Saddest moment in our lives,

Or the happiest love in this world.

The day we died together in our sleep.

Holding each other close to heart.

Our hands locked, our lips a pale red.

Your last breath on my final gasp for air.

You closed your eyes, as your heart slowly began to stop.

I closed my eyes, as my love began to grow, and my heart faltering in its beat.

It was never enough to say I love you, when I meant so much more.

But as your heart stopped, with your last breath in me, I sighed my last words.

I love you.

And you whispered the end as my heart faded into a silent tune.

Always and Forever.

The day we believed angels could drown.

When we proved the world wrong.

True love never dies, for you will always be mine.

We might've caused the fall of grace and beauty,

But it was on a rainy day, that we were the most beautiful beings on Land and Sky.

The day that our hearts decided to stop.

I wrote again.. I was bored last night. Haha. I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this.... O.o So just enjoy! Bye.

Run Away?

2009-08-04T13:33:00.000-07:00

Haven't you felt like doing this? Or just being away from every soul near you? Haha. I do. I would love to do that everyday.. Just go to the park.. Climb a tree and look at the sky. Or walk around the streets and see every person in the world. See how they walk, how they move, the gestures that they make. I have a thing in which I like to stare at people walk around or being themselves. It's interesting. Unlike me. Haha. I have a fear.. That whenever I am alone.. I have to be touching something... All the time. Because if I'm not touching something, I don't feel alive.. I feel as if my existence isn't there. It's a bad habit of mine I suppose? That whenever I'm in the streets, I touch every wall.. I touch my hair, I grab my phone.. I grab a flower if there's one and start ripping the petals. It's something I always do.. And just to remember that I'm alive.

And I hate walking in the streets, because I skate I don't use the sidewalk. So I go on the streets. And I hate that.. Even when I'm crossing the street. Before my feet get off the sidewalk, I feel as if I'm dead. Like... I feel I died whenever I touch that black pavement. I imagine myself dead already, and that what I'm seeing. Is a reflection of something I don't even know.. But then again. Sometimes I like that feeling. As if I'm not there.. As if I don't deserve to be here. But I get used to it. And then..

I remember I'm pretty much nothing, compared to every person in the world. I'll eventually die just like the people around me. I might not accomplish anything just like the people around me. I might as well.. Just be there and smile. It doesn't affect me nor the people around me. We all eventually just feel like... Escaping this reality of our lives.

I'm hearing music..
The Spill Canvas- All Hail The Heartbeaker

... Uhhmm... Screw You.

2009-08-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

That is what I told myself... "Screw you." Haha. Why? Cause.. My brain... Won't.... Work... Dammit..................................dotdotdot.....

I've been trying to write.. Something meaningful and important. But I have nothing. Haha. So I decided to play some more Mario Kart Wii.. Yay! I have been playing that game non stop because I have nothing to do.. I don't play with people around the world because I forgot my password thingy for the internet.. Damn.. Haha. So I play with Com! Level.. Hard. :O That's right.. I'm bad... They are on Hard. Haha. Ahh that was useless. And I play Mirror too! Haha. Not that it matters but that's all I have to do... Aside from writing..

Since I'm bored.. I am going to play, Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Haha. For a fact... I can beat two level nine coms teamed up against me and have two lives remaining! Haha. I like playing Stock! 5 lives only. Haha. Does that make me good? Ehh.. Not really. Haha. Play me one on one, I will surely kick ass.. Trust me. Haha. Samantha has tried many times to win.. She has only won a few times out of luck... And when I pick random players. Haha. But I still kick ass... Very good ass... Yuummm.. Wait.. Eww.. O.o

P.s. I feel happy.. Who do we blame for that... Samantha. Haha.

Okay.. For Brawl.. Here are my favorite players to be! (I want pictures so it will make them look sexy... O.o)

Lucas! <333 Pikachu! <33 Ike! <3

Kirby! Wolf! Toon Link!

Haha. And I can also play with Ice Climbers, Link, Peach, Mario, Luigi, Mr. Game & Watch, Pit, Yoshi, and Bowser.. But I'm not as good with these ones here. Those up there are my main lovers! Haha. I love playing with them.. They give me a weird fuzzy feeling.. Is it love? Haha.

And that is all for today.. I feel like playing Brawl. Haha.

Bye bye World. Love and... Uhmm.. Games. Haha.

P.s. I'm best with Pikachu.... Can beat one level nine com with four lives remaining! <3>

Too Lazy For A Picture.

2009-08-02T18:22:00.000-07:00

I had fun! Friday... And Saturday. Haha.

Friday: I saw Samantha, and all my other friends. We went to Glendale mall. I spend most of my time with Samantha, Maria, and Richard. You could say these are my closes friends. Haha. And well... Samantha is my lover. Shhh.... Haha. We saw Harry Potter! :D Well kinda.. I only saw like.... 5 scenes.. I saw... The bridge fall, Tim Burton's wife, Ron and that one chick. Harry and the old man, and last, the old man dying. Haha. I didn't shit besides that... Samantha had most of my attention. Haha. When we got out... The other people we were with, Eric, Andrew, Vernon, and Jacky went to Hot Topic. While Me, Samantha, Maria, and Richard went to go eat. We talked about pretty useless stuff.. But it was fun. Then... We walked around a lot.. Haha. I remember going to that little arcade thing near Top Topic and Boarders, and I spend most of my time with Samantha there. Then we headed to Top Topic.. And Samantha bought this one shirt... Which I will also get, but later on. Haha. And then.. We kinda left.. Samantha went into the Disney Store because her parents were there. And Maria left with her. We said our goodbyes, and in the end Me, Richard, and Andrew were alone. I went to buy A shirt at Pac-Sun. And then we went to go buy food and we waited for my mom to pick us up and that was the end of a great day. :D

Saturday: I went to a party, Samantha's little sisters party! It was fun.. I haven't seen her family in like.... Forever.. Haha. And it was fun.. I was able to spend more time with Samantha, and Maria. And Diego went to... He got really really brown... Sadly.. -cries for Diego- May your burn leave soon enough. Haha. I tried to arm wrestle him.. Thats a bad idea.. He is a football player at his school.. Quarterback.. And I'm like... A fragile little girl compared to him. Haha. So.. I lost.. With my right hand! But then my left hand was able to beat him. Lets not mention what I do with that left hand. -winks- Haha. Besides that.. We played a few sports... I suck at sports.. I play none! Literally none except skating.. But I stopped skating. Haha. So I pretty much sucked... I couldn't hit a single baseball... Haha. So we all quit on that and we played tag. And for a fact.. I haven't lost my speed.. Thats the only thing I am good at that involves anything sporty... I was able to catch Diego, and my shoes fell off.. Becuase I don't tie them. Haha. But once they fell off, I was able to run better and faster because I didn't have to worry about them falling off. So I caught him! Hurrah! And then we all started climbing trees.. My second best thign I can do... Besides running. And everyone was worried about.. Especially my darling Samantha. Haha. She worries so much about me.. I'm glad she does, she makes me feel loved. Hehe. By the way.. Samantha is very very pretty.. (I didn't have to say that at all, but I wanted to. :D) And then... Hmm... I forgot about the rest.. After that, we took it pretty easy. We got inside the jumper and people wrestles. Me and Diego, I one.. I got stuck somehow though.. O.o And I was.. Fake making out with Maria. Haha. It was fun though. And Diego and Samantha were wrestling.. Poor Diego.. He got hit in the crotch.. And so much more... Haha. :D But we all had fun.. And that was the end of a great day. I went home.. And yeah.... I didn't sleep for two days.. But I slept last night.. Haha. So I am good. :]

And this is the end of this blog.. And I'm happy.. You don't need to know but I am.. O.o

P.s. Me, Maria, Richard, Eric, Andrew, and Jackie had a fun car ride. :D So much pain and movement.. Haha.

P.s.s. I'm not dating. Haha. Meaning, I'm single.. But not available, I belong especially to Samantha. Haha.

P.s.s.s. I feel proud belonging to someone. :D

P.s.s.s.s. Imma play Mario Kart Wii.. Goodbye. :]

Suicide Garage.

2009-07-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

You see me throw away my memories.

You never spoke a word, not even when I left through your door.

Always the silent treatment, never did you smile at me.

Not even when you broke me in two.

The one time you smiled, you saw me cry.

The one time you laughed, you saw me die.

Hanging on to a thread of the mercy of God,

I was able to live at my worst.

Living everday to dispair in your lonley eyes.

They never shined after that night..

It was a once in a lifetime chance.

To see myself die, in the refeltction of your laughing eyes.

I left the hospital two years later,

"He's not okay, Don't let him out into the world.."

The words whispered in my ears.

I closed my eyes to remember that night.

Your beautiful laugh echoing in my suicide garage.

"It's done, there's nothing we can do for him now.."

Those words of false testament. Why do they pretend to care?

Love, I've finally learned to see the world of your dreams.

It's true dispair and being fed pills to feel.

Locked up in a room, our hands confined so we won't move.

They're trying to save us so that we won't die.

But why won't they grant us our wish?

When we just want to rest,

And lay on the grass and never awake.

Why do they pretend to care?

Always the silent treatment, never did you smile at me.

Not even when you broke me in two.

The one time you smiled, you saw me cry.

The one time you laughed, you saw me die.

To see myself die in the reflection of your eye,

I finally saw the world of your dreams.

Nothing is real. Not in this world in which we live.

It's all just a lie, a game in our twisted, insane minds.

We love to feel, whatever it may seem.

The pain in our hearts, the sadness in our souls.

We were meant to be.

A love like ours, is a complete suicide.

Because when we see each other cry,

We smile at our love.

Because when we see each other die,

We laugh at the happiness one of us will recieve once we leave.

"Don't let them go, these two loves still need help."

The words whispered in our bodies.

"There's nothing left to do for them.. Just forget them."

I closed my eyes to end tonight.

I finally saw the world of your dreams.

I opened my eyes to see you smile one last time,

The tears running through my face.

I closed them as I heard our laughter circling this suicide garage.

I was never this happy.

Tonight I closed my eyes as I held your hand.

Tonight I ended my life, with you by my side.

I was never this happy..

Wrote this around.... 2:30! It was hard to write... I had to play little scenes in my head to try and write this.. I'm not quite sure what I was thinking but I feel proud of it! Haha. Well, I hope you all enjoy and yeah.. Well, that would be all, thank you for your attention. :]

Bye.

Never Did I Know

2009-07-29T03:04:00.000-07:00

So dead, I found myself this way, this way.

Rubbing my eyes, I cried for so long, and I still couldnt find the way.

There was a red dot out there in the sky.

I reached hand to take it, but I never felt it.

And it was so beautiful tonight, its such a shame I was scared.

To love you, like I did once before.

I'm afraid to know how much I dreamt of you.

How much I desired, the love from once ago.

But times have moved on, and I'm back to the start.

I need to feel, I need to see, I need you by my side.

Letting go, was never my best choice.

But somewhere from afar, you were always by side.

Deep down to my core, I felt a need, I saw from within,

That I still need you by my side.

Then those words came to mind,

"I want to spend my life, looking at the sky, and hoping for you.

Touching the clouds in my head, and loving you with my best."

But the day never came, and you never arrived.

How I cried for so long all alone in the dark.

There was a red dot out there in the sky.

I reached my hand to take it, but I never felt it.

I was left with only dreams in my head, but It was such a beautiful night,

When I heard my heart cry. If only time would've stopped.

I would've slept in this sweet pain, fresh wounds on my wrist.

But never did it feel so right, to dream from so high.

To wish I had you, just an inch away.

To wish I felt you, just once more in my arms.

Never did I know, that I felt so incomplete.

Without you in my dreams, without you with me.

Never did I know, that I would die of a broken heart.

Letting go, was never my best choice.

But somewhere from afar, you were always by side.

Deep down to my core, I felt a need, I saw from within,

That I still need you by my side.

Then those words came to mind,

"I want to spend my life, looking at the sky, and hoping for you.

Touching the clouds in my head, and loving you with my best."

Never did I know, I have fallen so much in love.

There we go! I wrote this because I was singing.. Haha . When you sing, the words flow out more naturally. And it felt good.. I got inspired to write this because I stared out my window and saw a helicopter flashing a red light. Haha. And with that.. I say, have a goodnite and sweet dreams. Bye.

P.s. I couldn't find a nice picture to go with this poem so yeah.. Haha. Bye. :]

Think, Thinking.. Thoughts!

2009-07-27T22:10:00.000-07:00

What am I doing? I am... Listening to music... Incubus to be exact. Haha. That band brings me a memory, that leads to more memories. I remember I tried singing Love Hurts to my last girlfriend. Haha. That was fun.. I can't sing, but she liked it either way.. And it made me happy. Haha.. God I miss her.. Everything about her.. About us.. And I'm sad knowing I can't be with her anymore.. Hopefully we can, maybe not now, but later.. It's just something I really want, even if it's hard.

But I will hope for the best and hope that the pieced fall into place, and I hope time fixes everything. Woah... Song changed, now its The Spill Canvas, I love that band. Haha. Some of their songs are depressive but I like them. And Hmm..... My life currently would be this.. I am happy, yet sad. Happy because I have been talking to my last girlfriend, and the memories and the possibilities make me so happy. But I'm sad because we can't have anything like a relationship at the moment.. But as I said, things will get better in time. Hehe.

Aside from that.. Tomorrow I will go to one of my friends house, Andrew, and I will play Call of Duty. I am a Nintendo person.. I have never really touched an X-Box or Playstation.. So playing Call of Duty, is a really fun challenge for me.. Haha.

And that is all for today's blog thingy.. One last thing... I am secretly sad and ruining many many things. Haha. Bryant, Princess, helped me realize this. Haha. So he is helping me with life. :D

Now I just hope for the best and for time to reveal the answers to my useless life. Bye. :]